Tuesday, May 09, 2006

A Friend's Dilemma

This is what a dear friend of mine wrote a couple of days back. I am sure there are countless out there grappling with this dilemma.

Excuse me if you find this nothing more than a set of incongruous thoughts from a disillusioned mind.

I have always believed in the power of introspection and I still do believe in it. But I had never thought that being introspective in life can leave you confused and aghast.

Let me throw some light on things that I have been introspecting on lately.

As a fresh pass out from SSC, I probably had a limited idea of what life has in store for me. By using the word "probably" I am just trying to comfort myself, coz I would like to believe that there were a thousand others like me who were just as clueless. What I failed to notice was that there were a few hundreds who knew where they are heading.

Although I had an inclination to become an engineer, I still took up commerce. The question that bothers me today is WHY?

Not that I lacked capacity, capability or resources. But there is something that was missing. I perhaps did not have the confidence that I would make it to the best of the engineering colleges. And most importantly, I perhaps lacked an appetite to take that risk.

(Let me clear a few things. The eruption of this question in my mind has nothing to do with the great jobs and salary packages that engineer + MBA's grads have received off late. It's more to do with the thought "Am I really justifying my capabilities and inclinations or is the current state of life so comfortable that I don't want to get out of this mediocrity?")

Life moved on...I ensured that I did my best in commerce. (And I very honestly believe that I did reasonably well). Doing well in commerce wasn't difficult at all. I found that every time I got a balance sheet tallied, it was more because I asked the question how to get it tallied rather than why is it not getting tallied. Trust me, it was fun. Moved out of HSC with brilliant numbers on the mark sheet and a desire to become a CA. {In all probability another futile attempt to convince myself that I am made for finance and finance is made for people like me}

BMS...The best days of my life. Were they? Yes they were. Picnic, parties and night outs filled up 3 years with so much fun. Boy I still miss those days.

But on a serious note...All of that left me with limited or no time to think...What next? Am I really in the correct field or is there something else that I can be better at? Days turned into weeks, weeks into months and months into years...Moved out of BMS with another set of brilliant numbers on my mark sheet and a few additional bullet points on my resume to flaunt.

MBA seemed a logical extension. So I did what ever other Tom, D**k and Jerry :) did. Managed to complete MBA in finance and am now working for one of the reputed global finance firms in the world.

But the question still remains...am I doing the right thing...I do not doubt my capabilities or knowledge of finance but I feel that I lack that fire in the belly to excel in this field. Every morning I wake up with the belief that yes I can. And every evening I return home occupied with the same set of questions... AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING?

Boy I am lost...Confused...

Even after all this thought process I might still be where I am...I might still do exceedingly well in finance...But what if these questions come back once again a few years hence... Would I be really late to act?