Thursday, January 12, 2006

Unknown Star!!!

Yesterday was the last day of my self-imposed Cellphone Vanvaas. Friends and Comrades, bring on the corny, horny, porny messages. The last 10 days have been quite peaceful, what with me not having to listen to the Roadhouse Blues ringtone. As they say, familiarity breeds contempt and all that jazz.

One man I have never felt contempt towards is Peter North. In fact, I am plain jealous. Some of the bachha party reading this post, might be inclined to ask "Who, Peter North?"

Alright, how many of you have watched slightly-hued films aka Bhakt Prahlad aka devotional movies, etc, etc. Oh! I can see thousands of men. Ladies, don't feel shy to raise your hand. Hmmm...1...4...13...78... Whoa! Whoa! ....922... So many of you females. Wow!!! How many of you remember Peter North? Its indeed sad that even with such a huge audience, the man behind the famous thrusts and the music-to-the-ears Oohs and Aahs remains forgotten.

Woe betide you, if you haven't witnessed some of the most stunning sequences filmed in cinema history. For more than 20 years, he has captured the imagination of young impressionable minds like mine by playing out our wildest fantasies on celluloid. His inimitable manner of saying, "Oh, Yeah." has transformed film watching habits of millions across the world. A star so famous he has movies named after him and his...well...ahem...Ok, the movie is North Pole. On last count, there were 58 parts to this longest running series in the history of cinema. Guinness Book, anyone.

Standing ramrod straight at 1.80 m, armed with well-chiselled athletic features coupled with ancient Grecian looks of the kind Adonis would have been proud of, Peter entered the big bad world of more-than-just-skin flicks out of sheer desperation. Heavily in debt and a zaalim duniya to cater to, his life story is a source of inspiration for thousands of struggling starlets. With over 1600 films to his credit, he has indeed gone where no man has gone before. From Rebecca Wild to Jill Kelly to Traci Lords, he has rubbed shoulders (and a lot more) with them all. His nicknames include 'The Sperminator' and 'Sir Cumalot', indicating his deep interest in science fiction and history and other such exotic topics.

Much before Clinton shot to fame with his cigar smoking trick, Peter was busy setting new 'job' responsibilities for the White House designate in The Oval Office.

Those who lament the lack of a storyline in his flicks, better watch Adventures of Tracy Dick: The Case of the Missing Stiff. A true blue (detective) film. And the beauty of the last word. Replace the 'i' with the vowels 'a' or 'u', the essence of the movie remains the same. Perfect example of arming oneself against possible spelling mistakes by lazy poster designers. And, if you think this is the only detective movie he has acted in, remember there is Ass Ventura: Crack Detective and several others to boot.

Pit all the James Bond actors against Peter, I am sure they all will come a cropper. With a movie that goes by the name of Jane Bond Meets the Man with the Golden Rod, what chance do poor Sean, Roger, et al stand. Nada. Zero. Zilch....

Wanna watch classic novels captured on screen? How about Midslumber's Night Dream (Move aside Shakespeare. Here comes Sex Spear.) or The Three Muskatits.

Being an anti-war movie fanatic, something that my neighbourhood VCD wallah is quite oblivious to, I once asked for Born on the 4th of July. A prompt handing over of the VCD was followed by a slight snigger. The reason behind the chuckle became obvious when I switched on the CD player, only to realise that the movie was a slightly different interpretation of the 'Make Love, Not War' theme. You see, the movie was Porn on the 4th of July. What's more, a Peter North starrer.

At an age where the hoi polloi are busy gaping at protrusions and apertures of all sizes and shapes, poor moi was absorbed in studying the full-throttle vibrations and the action-reaction mechanism of the actors. Peter astounded me with his Energiser Bunny-like performance, and his copious amounts of bodily fluid, besides leaving the female co-stars a bitter pill to swallow also reminded me of the endless potential of the human vitals. An actor who took perfection to its highest level, so much so that his co-stars are barred from touching his hair during the act, coz., it disturbs him.

Alas, age has caught up. Not with him, but ME. Have reached the crossroads of my life where people lament, "Yeh Game Dekhne Ka Umar Nahin Raha". The ride has been worth it, Peter. So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish. Sorry, Jizz...


Anonymous Jk said...

Holy Christ dude... must admit - one of the best researched articles on a porn star yet...too good... almost borders on the verge of being vulgar, but as the recent bollwood directors say "Aesthetically Written", if I can use that phrase..

9:57 AM  
Blogger GREATBONG said...

Ooh yeah. Of course one of my "idols" has been Ron Jeremy--another man who has been a "pillar" of the industry for long and who does not look like any Greek/Roman/Peruvian God I can think of. (There is a movie being made/or has been made on him)

I think we in India should have an organized porn industry like in US (with movies like Cum Tum) ---but thats for another day.

11:00 AM  
Blogger Surya Ragunaathan said...

Alright! I am the first to have raised my hand amongst those 922 females...The very 1st porn movie that I had watched(during school) was a Peter North movie, It was one of his gay movies called 'Like A Horse' which he did under the name - Matt Ramsey...he impressed us(me & 1 of my female friends, also supplier of THE CDs, dunno where she used to get those from) to such an extent, that we went on to watch many others like The Bigger,the Better, Anal addicts, Hawaii Vice, etc...But must admit, u should be credited of a dissertation on him...will fwd the link to 'that' friend of mine, the only one with whom I watch/watched porn.

11:12 AM  
Anonymous Pearl Phillipe said...

Dhananjay Shettigar - 'The Pan Galactic Quiz Blaster'or should I say the Charismatic/dynamic/elusive guy(these are words that surya uses for you, Shit! she'll freak out on me for dis one) But need I fear? I stay at San Franc(USA)...Attended Armageddon'05 coz I was in India during that time & of course! Surya wanted me to watch the quiz. For me, Biz-quiz is Latin & Greek but believe you me, U were really good(and one does cum to think of those adjectives I mentioned b4, when one sees you), Would like to congratulate U and the entire research team for having put up such a wonderful show. Infact, I was suggesting Surya to ask you guys to elevate the show to higher/mainstream media, like a Brand Equity or sumthing.
As far as this post goes, Excellent research done. Me and Surya used to watch Peter's movies like crazy, once upon a time(unlike r duh! schoolmates,nevermind that anyways) My boyfriend has infact met Peter at a film-festival in Nova Scotia, Cananda(where he lives) and he seems like a nice guy. He also has done a lot of social service,etc here in the USA.
Honestly, I detest the whole concept of blogging but dropped in coz I was fwded the links and your write-up brought in good memories of my dearest friend & fav porn star. Good work!
You take care, Chao

10:29 PM  
Blogger Dhananjay Shettigar said...

@ JK - Thank you. Thank You. But, honestly this guy amazes me. It seems he has acted in over 1600 movies.

@ Greatbong - THE Greatbong commenting on my blog. I mean, THE Greatbong.
*boohoo....* Ise Rokna Nahin Yeh Khushi Ke Aansoon Hain.
May the KING of HUMOUR win the Indiblog of the Year Award. Cheers!!!

@ Surya - You got initiated quite early in life. And, damn you... Are you competing with me on the number of Peter North flicks watched. :) But, how I wish my school batch had girls like you. Yeh Nainsaafi Hai Judge Saab...

@ Pearl - So you are the one who has made Surya what she is today. I bow to thee, for making her less girlie and more boyish. (Surya, That's a Compliment. Honest!!!) Dynamic and Charismatic, I am not too sure of. You have just given my close friends who read this blog another couple of adjectives to pull my leg. Anywhichways, coming to the Elusive part of me... Hmmm...Am I missing something that quite a few of Surya's friends know??? I wonder what could it be :)
Thanks for appreciating the quiz. Would have loved to meet you. And regarding taking Armageddon mainstream... Well, this has been a contentious issue for quite a few years and we arrived at the conclusion that Mainstream means Downstream. Something that we are highly against. Better to create our own niche in the world than be a prostitute and cater to all.
And blessed be your Boyfriend for having met GOD. Mera Number Kab Aayega...
If you detest Blogging, I have a small suggestion for you. Please read Greatbong's blog
If it does not hook you on to read blogs, I VOW NEVER TO WATCH PORN FLICKS. ***Hands up in the air, face turned towards the open sky, flashes of lightning and claps of thunder, and all that Bhishma Pitamah sort of nonsense***
Baap Re, probably my longest reply. Hope to see your comments on esoteric topics like Birds and Bees which are being eagerly awaited by my non-existent fans. Cheers, Mate!!!

11:57 PM  
Blogger Ritesh Nadhani said...

Awesome :)

Started my first *movie* at Standard 7th and still hooked to it (albeith with less vigour and less frequency).

Though I used to look for *actresses* rather then *actors* (being a guy).

This incidents happen with each and every guy/girl in the country but very few people come out so openly about them.

Good going! Cheers from Blore :)

9:42 PM  

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