Saturday, January 21, 2006


Ui Shamasha Ui, Ui Shamasha,
Le Ja Pyaar Zara Sa, De Ja Pyaar Zara Sa.
Thus, blared the speakers.

In the midst of inadvertent mouthing of the lyrics, my cellphone rang,
Me: Hello
She: Hello
Me: Bol Tillu
A two-second pregnant pause in humble homage to the Ui Ui Ui Ui line.
She: Abe! Subah Subah Mujra Dekh Raha Hai Kya?
Me: Nahin! Main Bus Mein Hoon.
She: Achha. To Kya Shirdi Ja Raha Hai.
Me: Arre, Nahin Re. Main BEST Ke Naye Bus Mein Baitha Hoon Aur FM Pe Yeh Gaana Baj Raha Hai.

Thought Bubble: Hell!!! A two-year stay in the US and the birth of a baby hasn't frayed her sense of humour.

As our conversation (strewn with such inane leg-pulling quite inconsequential to the post) progressed, the seamless transformation onto 'Ambe Hai Meri Maa, Durge Hai Meri Maa' went unnoticed. I am not too sure of the exact sequence of parentage. So, Durga might be the first mother and not Amba, as mentioned above. Anywhichways...

After my phone-call ended...
Thought Bubble: Hmmm...two songs from the same movie on FM. Quite Strange....Maybe, they started some new program like Channel V, where we are treated to Shakira's backside Back-2-Back.

And then, 'Mera Chana Hai Meri Marzi Ka'. To quote Dhritarashtra's character from the hilarious Mahabharat sequence in 'Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron', "This is too much." If some radio station plays three songs from a movie like Kranti, rest assured, some or the other person will sue them for 'Wilful Mind-Fuck'.

Clouds of dust raised in the air, what with a Thought Bubble clashing with Visual Imagery.

Thought Bubble: Chana. But, why Chana?...I have a long way to go in understanding metaphors.
Visual Imagery: Manoj 'Bharat' Kumar with a noose around his neck swaying in a see-saw fashion.

Deep into the conflict, the cute-like heaven girl (that I have mentioned in one of my earlier posts) smiled. Probably, she understood my predicament.

My heart skipped a beat, what with dark visions of fourth-degree torture doing a danse macabre in front of my eyes. In fact, I'm quite sure, I slipped into a coma. Then,

Thought Bubble: What if the next song turns out to be "Zindagi Ki Na Toote Ladiiiii, Pyaar Kar Le Ghadi Do Dhadi."

One of my childhood fantasies was a Hema Malini drenched to the...ahem...whatever. And, Manoj Kumar with a constipated look on his face, struggling to unshackle those iron chains all in the hope of touching Hemaji's tips (I mean, fingertips) made comical viewing. Perfect blend of Sex and Comedy. And I came back to life.

In the absence of any traffic jams, the bus was cruising at top speed. And considering the fact that it was BEST, Top Speed = 30 KPH. All I could hope for was some stray dog to do a Dharmendra-like Suicide act. And I would have compensated the dog's family and friends with an unending supply of bitches. Anything to ensure that the bus ride lasts a few minutes more, so that I could relive the Hema act. See, I love animals, lest any PETA activist reads this post. But, lets face facts. I LOVE HEMA MALINI more than bloody dogs.

Alas! Real life ain't no Bollywood movie. As the opening bars of the afore-mentioned song added fuel to the fire in my...well...wherever, the crude voice of the conductor, "Chala. Maker Towers Waale." Damn the KLPD!!!


Anonymous Jk said...

Hey nice style of writing yaar.. so are the new buses really that bad? I mean the songs played in the bus...?

5:41 PM  
Blogger Surya Ragunaathan said...

"Karlo karlo chaaron dhaam
milenge krishna milenge Ram" Gulshan Kumar's voice penetrated into my ears...But,I dont think that was FM...some sidy cassette, I guess!

7:48 PM  
Anonymous Acharya said...

FM in BEST buses???? U kidding??? As for KLPD, that buddy seems to be the story of your life. See u guys soon....

8:51 PM  

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