CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE INSANE

2009-02-15T08:01:00.000-08:00

All those raving about 'Slumdog Millionaire' and how beautifully it has depicted Muslim-life, kindly do yourselves a favour and watch 'Salim Langde Pe Matt Ro'.

2009-02-04T07:52:00.000-08:00

By now every blogger worth his salt would have written about the despicable Mangalore pub incident. I have no intentions of joining the bandwagon. What I shall blog about, is an incident that occured around three years back.

Kalwa station is surrounded by slums on the eastern side. Me and a female friend of mine bought cigarettes from a paan-shop nearby and were happily smoking. In a couple of minutes, a few youngsters walked towards us and asked in a high-handed tone, "Idhar kya kar rahe ho?" Before we could reply, a middle-aged woman came and turning towards my friend asked, "Yeh kya kar rahi tu?" Our obvious "Cigarette pi rahe hain" reply seemed to have got their goats. The woman then proceeded to shout at us about how my friend was spoiling the people around her by smoking. One of her statements is still stuck in my mind, "Tujhe dekh ke bachhe bhi cigarette piyenge." With me in no mood to relent, the argument seemed all set to turn nasty. Sensing my anger, my friend threw away her cigarette in disgust and suggested that we walk away. And thats what we did.

Movies added

2008-12-17T08:40:00.000-08:00

Ardh Satya
Arth
Prahaar
Pushpak
Mother India
A Wednesday
Salim Langde Pe Matt Ro

2008-12-16T08:22:00.000-08:00

How many batsmen in the history of Test cricket had a mind as uncluttered as Virender Sehwag? Among those I have seen bat, only two names spring to mind: Viv Richards and Adam Gilchrist.
Take a bow, Viru. You are a GENIUS.

An Unsung Hero

2008-12-06T09:32:00.000-08:00

ASI Tukaram Omble

You are the reason why we have managed to unearth the Bombay terror plot. I can do nothing but salute your bravery.

http://www.dnaindia.com/report.asp?newsid=1210635

2008-12-06T08:58:00.000-08:00

Over the past few days, I have heard quite a few people criticize (almost ridicule) Hemant Karkare, Vijay Salaskar and Ashok Kamte for being 'stupid' enough to travel in the same vehicle during the Bombay terror attacks.

Its oh-so-fucking easy to say this. Hindsight is always 20/20. In a situation, like the one that was panning out, were they supposed to wait till 3 vehicles would escort them, one by one? Was ASI Tukaram Omble 'stupid' as well, when he chased down the terrorists on his bike and then grappled with one of them, fully knowing that the terrorist had an AK-47 in hand?

And for all those who are claiming that the 'elites' are displaying double-standards with their Gateway March, when all this while they never paid attention when the 'aam aadmi' died in train blasts, I have just one question to ask: Who the fuck stopped you from organizing these protest marches back then?

2008-12-04T09:24:00.000-08:00

The anguish on her face was too much for him to bear. He did something, he had never done before. He handed over a 10-rupee note to her. She looked at it and cried. He patted her on the back as she went away. He wiped off a tiny tear-drop before strangers on the street could catch a glimpse. And yet, there was an emptiness within him.

WTF Quotes

2008-12-03T10:41:00.000-08:00

VS Achutanandan - "If it had not been (Major) Sandeep's house, not even a dog would have glanced that way."
A-chutiya-nandan!

Shivraj Patil - "Before I could reach there, the terrorists who had attacked one of the hospitals, the Cama Hospital, had left and those who attacked the railway station had also left."
Did you expect them to wait and bomb your ass off? Actually, that would have been much better.

Vilasrao Deshmukh - "The state had not got any specific intelligence reports warning about the terror attack."
To, Mr. Vilasrao.
We plan to bomb Hotel Taj Mahal on the 26th of November at 10 pm. Hope to see you there.
Regards,
LeT
Seriously, what is this shit about specific information? Probably, he wanted the terrorists to post an RDX-scented letter to the PMO's office.

RR Patil - "Aisa nahin hai. Itne bade shahar mein chhota hadsa ho jata hai. To total failure nahin hai."
He could have added, "Hey, Senorita" at the start.

Mukhtar Abbas Naqvi - "Some women wearing lipstick and powder have taken to streets in Mumbai and are abusing politicians, thus spreading dissatisfaction against democracy. This is what terrorists are doing in Jammu and Kashmir."
Which world does this joker live in?

The dumbest question ever asked... Barkha Dutt to Shantanu Saikia - "What have you been telling your kids about their mother?" Shantanu broke down on hearing the question and Barkha has the shamelessness to say, "I hope we haven't upset you with these questions."
Yeah, genius!

2008-11-28T08:24:00.000-08:00

And I trudged back to work today. Sullen, grim, heavy-hearted, angry, frustrated, helpless. An eerie silence seemed to have engulfed the local train. All around were people with large eyes fixed on newspaper images, probably reminiscing about a Bombay they once knew. A Bombay they can no longer identify. No card-playing, no bhajan-singing, no smiles, no laughter. And then, verbal volleys traded between two people. Evidently, some guy had stepped on the shoes of the other. A fellow passenger quipped, "Ab kya ek doosre ko maaroge?" The voice, firm yet laden with emotion. One of them quickly apologised to the other and all was well again. I guess, these are the best of times and these are the worst of times.

2008-11-27T07:22:00.000-08:00

The sheer audacity of the terrorists who attacked Bombay stuns me. Its one thing to surreptitiously leave bombs at crowded places like markets and local trains. But to carry arms and ammunition and open fire on the road is something completely unseen here. It almost feels surreal.

Thankfully, havent heard or read any 'Spirit of Bombay' and such shit today.

And, why oh why do these chutiya news channel reporters/presenters have to shriek on air?

2008-11-23T08:37:00.000-08:00

Movies added to my collection:
36 Chowringhee Lane
Jalwa
Maachis
Padosan
Chalti ka Naam Gaadi
Chaudhvin ka Chand
Do Aankhen Barah Haath

Books:
The Motorcycle Diaries by Che Guevara
The Enchantress of Florence by Salman Rushdie

2008-11-15T21:48:00.000-08:00

Matty Hayden at it again. This guy can make a career out of foot-in-mouth quotes. Keeping aside the 'political incorrectness' of his 'Third World' comment, its absolutely preposterous and plain stupid to cook up excuses like sightscreens being the reason for his team's slow over-rate. What has he been smoking? Maybe, some 'obnoxious weeds'.

2008-11-14T21:56:00.000-08:00

Got my shoes shined at the railway platform for the first time yesterday. I dont think I'll get it done ever again.

Movies added to my collection: Bhumika, Bazaar, Nishant, Ankur, Hare Rama Hare Krishna, Teesri Kasam, Jis Desh Mein Ganga Behti Hai, Do Bigha Zameen and Shatranj Ke Khiladi.

Woe betide the guy who rammed his briefcase onto my ribs. You bastard! (in Kangana Ranaut style)

So long...

2008-11-11T09:32:00.000-08:00

http://www.bollywoodhungama.com/movies/fstills/13762/index.html

Just cant stop laughing at that Matrix-like pose. Neo, you've got kampitishan.

2008-11-10T09:54:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday, I visited a temple after a long long time. No, I wasnt dragged along. Just that my Mom wanted us all to go together and we duly obliged. Some positives:
1. Quite a few girls with plunging necklines.
2. The smell of camphor and incense sticks.
3. Helped reaffirm my belief in the futility of god.

2008-04-09T10:08:00.000-07:00

Reserve 80% jobs for Maharashtrians: MNS to pvt sector

http://www.rediff.com/money/2008/apr/09mns.htm

Stupidity is limitless.

2008-04-09T07:05:00.000-07:00

There was a time when I could provide the wings of words to my thoughts freely, without any inhibitions. Nowadays, I barely manage to write five sentences without the feeling of boredom creeping into my fingers. Writer's block?! Kindly note that the word 'writer' has been used in its loosest sense, since its me who is being talked about. So long, till I find my voice...

2008-04-05T08:52:00.000-07:00

Life seems to be moving in slow motion. Need to shake off the inertia within my system.

2008-03-26T20:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a horrible day.

2008-03-24T10:50:00.000-07:00

Anyone game for a RACE all the way to Abbas-Mastan's house and slit their throats?

2008-03-23T21:09:00.000-07:00

My work ain't done. I shall wait.

2008-03-18T07:44:00.000-07:00

What is all this needless hue and cry over Scarlett's Keeling's 'morality'? For all I care, she could have had sex with 100 guys in shady shacks. How does that change the fact that she was brutally raped and murdered?

2008-01-29T05:54:00.000-08:00

When you try holding on to everything, you end up with a fistful of nothing.

2008-01-24T07:42:00.000-08:00

If winter comes, can spring be far behind?

2007-12-13T10:39:00.000-08:00

Neither today, nor tomorrow. All that remains are memories of a distant past.

Review - Chak De! India

2007-08-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

Chak De! India, 'inspired' from the real-life story of former Indian hockey goalkeeper Mir Ranjan Negi, is the celluloid tale of a disgraced player returning from oblivion to transform a bunch of no-hopers into a champion outfit.

Kabir Khan (Shahrukh Khan) misses a penalty stroke in the dying moments of World Championships final against Pakistan, thus earning himself the tag of desh-drohi.

Years later, a neglected Indian women's hockey team gathered from the farthest corners of India suffers from it all. From ego to self-doubt to expectations, and above all, regionalism. Punjabi hot-head, pint-sized Haryanvi dynamo, housewives and non-Hindi speakers, there is no lack of colourful characters. Kabir is back, not just with the intention of coaching a rag-tag bunch of unruly players, but also desperate to bury the ghosts of his past.

The movie suffers from certain flaws. Battle of the Sexes is completely out of place and the hockey stick raising routine that follows can only be classified as melodrama. Also, some of the dialogues are purely jingoistic. For example, 'Aaj pehli baar ek gore ko Bharat ka jhanda lehrate hue dekh raha hoon'.

In the age of designer movies, the subdued glam quotient is a refreshing change. Chitrashi Rawat (Komal), Tanya Abrol (Balbir) and Shubhi Mehta (Gunjan) play their roles to the hilt. Shahrukh as a frustrated yet inspirational coach, lords above them all. Though, at times, he does slip into the eyelid-dropping-voice-quivering 'Kal Ho Na Ho' mode.

Overall, the movie is definitely worth watching. One wished Kabir Khan would turn his back on the accolades that he rightfully earns and asks the world to go 'fly a kite'. But then, they dont make movies like Pyaasa anymore.

2007-06-25T23:15:00.000-07:00

As per Bal Thackeray's definition, "I am wretched."

PS: For details, read this.

2007-06-22T19:51:00.000-07:00

To All,

For fuck's sake, Sunita Williams is neither Indian nor Indo-American, irrespective of the fact that she carried the Bhagvad Gita to space. Stop making a public spectacle of your pseudo-nationalistic pride by way of pujas and demonstrations.

Regards,
Dhananjay

2007-06-20T09:04:00.000-07:00

Of all the movies I have watched in a theatre, I thought nothing could beat the atrociousness-index of Khushi. But, Jhoom Barabar Jhoom proved me wrong. The movie is a mindfuck of the highest order. It is a living nightmare. The lone saving grace is Lara Dutta, who uses her mouth to good effect. First, by talking French and then, by indulging in a couple of nice French kisses.

2007-05-25T09:45:00.000-07:00

Life is a bottomless pit. You swirl and twirl into darkness. Directionless, mindfucked, you scratch around for a grip on the loose mud. Wet dirt splashes all over your face, settles on your fingernails, blinds your eye. It chokes you, mocks you, knocks you unconscious. Trapped inside, unable to push away your worries, kick away your sorrows. Then you see the entire wave of humanity falling, and you feel satisfied for having found company. You lick your wounds. Life goes on. And you keep falling.

Armageddon 2006

2006-08-26T21:30:00.000-07:00

Sinister shadows shroud the World,
Death-knell signal doom,
No magic shall shield thee,
Sheer knowledge be thy saviour.
Let the war begin...

Introduced in the year 2001, ARMAGEDDON is a Business Quiz organised by the BMS students of Mulund College of Commerce, Mumbai.

Armageddon-2005 witnessed a congregation of the best business quizzing brains from across the country. The onstage finale saw Amit Pandeya (QuestaSoft) and Kiran K (Qualteam) vanquishing the likes of Mitesh Agarwal and Ajay Kasargod (Sun Microsystems / WYSE Technologies), Rohan Khanna and Gajendra Kothari (Accenture / UTI AMC), Gururaj and Vijay (JWT / JP Morgan), G Sreekanth and Sabyasachi (TCS) and Arvind Khusape and Aniruddh (SBI / SIES) to clinch the coveted title.

The torchbearers of hardcore biz quizzing are back with Armageddon 2006, and promise to unleash a whole new world of knowledge excellence.

The quiz will comprise of a Written Elims from which the Top 6 teams will go through to the Finals.

Following are the details:

Date & Time:
10th September at 12 noon

Team Members:
Two per team
(A Team can comprise of participants from two different institutions / organisations)

Entry Fee:
Free for students and Rs. 150 per team for corporates

Venue:
Mulund College of Commerce
Sarojini Naidu Road,
Mulund (W), Bombay - 400080

Prizes:
First - Rs. 25000
Second - Rs. 15000
Third - Rs. 10000

Spykar gift vouchers worth Rs. 5000 to all teams in the finals.

For further details:
Samruddhi - 09833524561
armareturns@gmail.com or dhanu80@rediffmail.com

Here are a few questions from Armageddon-2005

1. It was unveiled on Oct 12, 1988 in a packed Davis Symphony Hall in San Francisco, by demonstrating its ability to run four stopwatches at once and give a synthetic rendition of Martin Luther King's "I Have A Dream" speech. What?

2. Edward Bellamy, a lawyer and author, in his utopian book "Looking Backward: 2000-1887" described a society where transactions would essentially be conducted between the consumer and the Government and every citizen would have a share of the annual product of the nation. What term did he coin as a result?

3. Its roots can be traced back to 1979 when William Bernbach got the inspiration from banks who were offering toasters and electric blankets to their best customers and to new customers for opening accounts. It was launched on May 1, 1981 under the name 'AAdvantage'. What?

4. Introduced in the 1870s, there are currently four in number and are operated simultaneously. Measuring 18 inches in diameter, they were manufactured by the G S Edwards Company of Connecticut. In the late 1980s, it was decided to refurbish them and add another one as a back-up. However, it was discovered that such of its kind were no longer being made by any company. Hence, G S Edwards Co. agreed to make a special replica and brought employees out of retirement to handle the job. While this was being done, an older one was discovered, which was polished and is now used as a spare one. What am I referring to?

5. A short film titled 'True', directed by Charles Stone III featured his childhood friends Fred Thomas, Paul Williams and Scott Brooks who would sit around using the catch-phrase ‘_______’. It caught the attention of copywriter Vinny Warren who signed Stone to direct television commercials for a brand based on the film. Identify the brand / catch-phrase.

Kaavya will be proud

2006-07-27T04:38:00.000-07:00

This made me go "What the Fuck?!"

Click on the following url:
http://www.orkut.com/Profile.aspx?uid=12018243536374265901

If you are too lazy, then this is what his profile says:
Hi, I'm Rabi. 24-year old Introverted Homo Sapiens of the Masculine sub-species; Cerebrum gorges on the food-for-thought served by Franz Kafka & Gabriel Garcia Marquez.; Tympanic Membrane flaps in Pachydermian delight at the lilting sounds of Pink Floyd, Doors and Suman Chatorjee; Pet peeves include Capitalism, Communalism and Commercialism of Quizzing.

"Fine Words! I wonder where you stole them?" so said, Jonathan Swift. I guess you are one of those "we all came too late in the world to produce anything new" believers. Inspired by Kaavya, eh?

We all have heard about articles being copied and music being plagiarised. I have even seen questions that I post on certain quizzing yahoogroups being reproduced verbatim at other college quizzes. And that too being directed at me. But, what kind of a freeloader could 'internalise' PROFILE DETAILS???

I can curse you....I can abuse you...I can beat the shit out of you in cyberspace...but all I choose to do is ask you a simple question...Why, Rabi? Why?

Update (01/08/2006): Rabi has sent the following scraps -
Rabi Sankar Saha: Hi Dhananjay...Couldn't think that wld meet u in orkut....Such a way.....Sorry, for copying ur profile....Was feeling lazy to write anything...The time I made my profile....Don't worry dude I'll remove it soon....Hope I'm able to make u understand...
Rabi Sankar Saha: Dude...Don't worry...I have removed it...It was 'momentary lapse of reason'....Didn't want to be another Anu Mallik or Kaavya Viswanathan..... .....

Well, I guess....that ends the matter.

Onward Ho, Life...

2006-06-08T00:48:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear,
And I cant help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer....."
- Drive by Incubus

The last couple of weeks have been among the more traumatic ones in my life. Finally, the fog of uncertainty has been lifted. All that remains is darkness, which seems to be a much better outcome than having to guess whether its daytime or night.

Its just a queer trait, that I seem to fear uncertainty much more than actually dealing with failure. Travelling through the dark woods fills me with more fright than coming face-to-face with a ghost. The possibility of meeting a lion is more dreadful than confronting one.

There will surely be some groping around in the dark, but atleast there will be light sometime in the future. Its now upto me to search for it.

Machiavelli once said, "There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things." BUT I WILL. Onward Ho, Life...

Half-Spoken Lamentations

2006-06-01T01:12:00.000-07:00

You were,
Are you,
Will you be.

A Friend's Dilemma

2006-05-09T21:40:00.001-07:00

This is what a dear friend of mine wrote a couple of days back. I am sure there are countless out there grappling with this dilemma.

Excuse me if you find this nothing more than a set of incongruous thoughts from a disillusioned mind.

I have always believed in the power of introspection and I still do believe in it. But I had never thought that being introspective in life can leave you confused and aghast.

Let me throw some light on things that I have been introspecting on lately.

As a fresh pass out from SSC, I probably had a limited idea of what life has in store for me. By using the word "probably" I am just trying to comfort myself, coz I would like to believe that there were a thousand others like me who were just as clueless. What I failed to notice was that there were a few hundreds who knew where they are heading.

Although I had an inclination to become an engineer, I still took up commerce. The question that bothers me today is WHY?

Not that I lacked capacity, capability or resources. But there is something that was missing. I perhaps did not have the confidence that I would make it to the best of the engineering colleges. And most importantly, I perhaps lacked an appetite to take that risk.

(Let me clear a few things. The eruption of this question in my mind has nothing to do with the great jobs and salary packages that engineer + MBA's grads have received off late. It's more to do with the thought "Am I really justifying my capabilities and inclinations or is the current state of life so comfortable that I don't want to get out of this mediocrity?")

Life moved on...I ensured that I did my best in commerce. (And I very honestly believe that I did reasonably well). Doing well in commerce wasn't difficult at all. I found that every time I got a balance sheet tallied, it was more because I asked the question how to get it tallied rather than why is it not getting tallied. Trust me, it was fun. Moved out of HSC with brilliant numbers on the mark sheet and a desire to become a CA. {In all probability another futile attempt to convince myself that I am made for finance and finance is made for people like me}

BMS...The best days of my life. Were they? Yes they were. Picnic, parties and night outs filled up 3 years with so much fun. Boy I still miss those days.

But on a serious note...All of that left me with limited or no time to think...What next? Am I really in the correct field or is there something else that I can be better at? Days turned into weeks, weeks into months and months into years...Moved out of BMS with another set of brilliant numbers on my mark sheet and a few additional bullet points on my resume to flaunt.

MBA seemed a logical extension. So I did what ever other Tom, D**k and Jerry :) did. Managed to complete MBA in finance and am now working for one of the reputed global finance firms in the world.

But the question still remains...am I doing the right thing...I do not doubt my capabilities or knowledge of finance but I feel that I lack that fire in the belly to excel in this field. Every morning I wake up with the belief that yes I can. And every evening I return home occupied with the same set of questions... AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING?

Boy I am lost...Confused...

Even after all this thought process I might still be where I am...I might still do exceedingly well in finance...But what if these questions come back once again a few years hence... Would I be really late to act?

To: Mr. & Mrs. K V George

2006-04-21T04:57:00.000-07:00

Back from a two-day trip to Trivandrum and Cochin. This post is an absolute rant.

To,
Mr. & Mrs. K V George:

First and foremost, the two of you sat next to me on the flight back to Bombay and ensured that all I did throughout those two hours was read 'Shame' by Rushdie and of course, twiddle my thumbs. For ruining the possibility of sitting next to some curvaceous female and spending quality time discussing something-in-general-and-nothing-in-particular, a wide majority of "Single, 25-yr olds" might believe, reason enough to rant against you. Not me. You see I am quite a generous guy. But what you did, or to be more precise, what you did not do, pissed me.

In the midst of turbulent weather and a plane-rocking-like-a-train, the last thing anyone wanted was to listen to some stupid cellphone ringtone. Tee-Tee-Tee-Teeee-Teeee. Tee-Tee-Tee. But, I had to. 140-odd passengers had to. Inspite of being repeatedly asked to switch off your cellphones, you two had the audacity to ignore the instructions of the cabin crew. Man is said to have evolved from the apes. What animal did the two of you evolve from? Donkeys. In fact, I would be insulting donkeys by claiming that you evolved from them. You serve as a perfect example for the 'Money cannot buy Common-Sense' adage.

Mera Number Kab Aayega???

2006-04-17T05:25:00.000-07:00

Alternative title: Three-Time Unlucky Quizzer

(This pic is from the Bombay regionals. The extreme right guy (no pun intended) is me. And, table-tennis was farthest from my mind. The white-shirted guy with a Come-Smooch-Me-Hottie expression is my partner Tushar.)

BT-Acumen, Tata Crucible and now BEQ. My National Runners-Up juggernaut continues. The pain of having lost the Finals of Brand Equity Quiz on the last question seems to have subsided to a very large extent. Gone are also the "What if?" nightmares that I have had ever since.

"So What, Nobody Died" was Lance Klusener's classic statement after that '99 WC Semi-final against Australia. Wish I could be as nonchalant as him. Its true nobody died, but what died was that dream of peering down my third-floor apartment to catch a glimpse of a Ford Ikon resplendent under the warm morning sun. Aaaahhhh...

Magic moment: Semi-finals tie-breaker against Vizag Steel.
After we answered 'First Euro transaction'...jumped from my seat...walked behind it...punched the air...shouted a 'YES'...turned back to see my grinning partner...gave a hi-five...and both shouted 'YES'. Pure, unabashed joy. This is what one quizzes for. Will never forget those five seconds for the rest of my life.

I'm Back!!!

2006-04-04T23:01:00.000-07:00

Though the title of the post might raise visions of a star blogger doing a back-with-a-bang sorta act, let me remind you all that this post will be the usual Dhanno-bakwaas.

First and foremost, a very big THANK YOU to each and everyone for mailing/messaging your Best Wishes for Brand Equity. Yeah, I sold myself off to be a part of the Derek Circus.

Just a couple of days back was filling up this Performance Appraisal form at my workplace. What stupidity!!! Total MBA bakwaas... 'Leverage my Learning' and 'Understand Customer Needs' and what not. Makes me puke on myself for having written all that.

Today morning, I saw this foreign chick clandestinely clicking my pic. On second thoughts, was she focussing her lens on the Victoria Terminus building behind me??? Anywhichways, in a few days time if you find some MMS clip with my morphed face, you know I am not to be blamed.

Finally managed to complete Shalimar the Clown by Salman Rushdie. Took more than 2 weeks. When was the last time I spent more than 10 days on a book? Long long time back, Atlas Shrugged it was... At least, I read a Rushdie book in its entirety on the first attempt. Midnight's Children took me three tries. Currently, The Age of Reason by Jean Paul Sartre graces my hands.

Saw Carol graciasly walking the ramp after suffering a wardrobe malfunction. After around 10 viewings, I decided to concentrate my eyes a bit higher than the exposed part of her flesh and what I saw astounded me. Here she is, bare in front of all and not the slightest change in her expression. Either she is a thorough professional or it was staged. Who cares? Last heard, Maharashtra's Deputy Chief Minister (aka Grand Moral Guardian aka Pain-in-the-Backside) R R Patil has ordered an investigation into the entire matter. Just a small request, Patil Ji...Can I be a part of the committee??? I promise to probe deeper, where no Man has gone before....And where is that Gauhar Khan video my friends had promised???

Have missed all the three thrashings that England have received in the recent one-dayers. And the less said about the highlights package on DD Metro, the better. THE WORST PART about the show are those two idiots, one of whom wears a false Yankee Accent and the other whose sentences (and at times, even words) alternate between Hindi and English, playing the role of perfect killjoys by giving their expert comments on India's batting line-up and bowling strategy. (Note: The word 'expert' has been used loosely and in fact, completely in jest.) Oh, No. THE WORST PART is them announcing the result of the match at the start of the show. Sorry, Forgot. THE WORST PART is when they packed India's exciting run-chase in the 2nd one-dayer into a 5 min and 21 seconds quickie (might be less than that) and then proceeded on to bore the viewers for the next 10 minutes about where England went wrong and yada yada yada. Bottomline: DD SUCKS. Period. The last two words are mutually exclusive, though a certain section of the society does indulge in both. Sorry, I am digressing, coz., my sanity has come unstuck...

PS: Insomnia....Insanity

Thoughts, Dreams, Fantasies clouding my mind,
I lay awake, half-dead through the night,
Blood in my eyes, Tears in my veins,
Rebelled against casting her out of my sight.

MNNIT, Allahabad - Gen Quiz

2006-03-09T05:36:00.000-08:00

Had conducted a General Quiz and a Business Quiz at MNNIT, Allahabad as part of their Annual Quizfest titled Gnosiomania 2k6. Have put up a few qns from the Gen Quiz on my other blog "Quizzing Nirvana".
Have Fun!!!

PS: Regular Blogging will resume in a few days.

MNNIT, Allahabad

2006-02-22T20:48:00.000-08:00

I will be conducting my first quiz as a semi-professional Quizmaster at Motilal Nehru Institute of Technology, Allahabad (formerly, REC Allahabad) as part of its annual Quizfest Gnosiomania 2k6.

I am conducting "Generizique - The General Quiz" and "Quiz d'affair - The Business Quiz" as part of the quizfest, which is being held from the 3rd to 5th of March.

I, ME, MYSELF

2006-02-13T08:44:00.000-08:00

"The mind is restless, turbulent, obstinate and very strong, and to subdue it is, it seems to me, more difficult than controlling the wind."

Among my most personal moments are the solitary walks across the bridge that connects Thane and Kalwa. Amidst the hustle bustle of people and the putrid fumes emanating from vehicles, I have cultivated the ability to close my eyes and let my mind take over. In a world of organised chaos, this has been my singular retreat where I can be just me. No diversions... no obstacles... being neither friend nor foe... just I, ME, MYSELF. The solitude has seldom spoken anything and yet opened the doors of possibility.

With work-life eating my weekdays and weekends generally spent in the company of friends it has been a long time since I have indulged in this joy of isolation. The sluggishness that has crept into my walk lately has been a clear indication of a confused existence. With a feeling of despondency slowly creeping into my everyday life, for long has my heart yearned for this indulgence. But just as we disregard beggars hoping they would walk away without pricking our conscience, the walk of contemplation had been put on the back burner with the hope that this glum phase would pass off without any effort... or, casualty.

Today evening when my singular melancholia is at fever pitch, I have trudged along to the bridge hoping to find solace and inspiration from nature. I am sitting here, smelling the brine in the air, that has in the past acted as a balm to my nerves. Today the air, reeking of worldly woes, is enervating the already dispirited ME.

I peer down to catch my reflection in the murky waters. What I see is an eerie nothingness staring back with invisible eyes, castigating my past follies, mocking the drudgery of my present, raising frightening visions of an uncertain tomorrow.

I am watching the golden orange streetlights reflected across the gentle ripples of creek water when my eyes fall on firecrackers bursting into a thousand hues in distant lands as if shooting stars are cutting their way across the pitch black sky.

The rumble of trains carrying harried passengers and my heart beating in perfect rhythm. The gust of wind that lashes against the bridge shuddering the very foundations of the concrete structure, can you not blow away my worries.

You, the temple by the banks who submerge every monsoon, you emphasise the futility of God when faced with bare elements. You, the hutments that have defaced the serene surroundings, you are a metaphor for those harrowing experiences that have defiled my pure, naked soul.

As I sit here, alone, frenziedly penning down these sights, I catch sight of people watching me, possibly speculating over the presence of a Madman in their midst. My thoughts race out to you and to these immortal lines,
"In a universe of ambiguity, this kind of certainty comes only once, and never again, no matter how many lifetimes you live."
A few moments ago, I cried out your name and listened to its echo over the din of traffic. To strangle my despair with the sweetness of its sound. To etch your name against an invisible eternity. The profundity of an indivisible truth reaffirmed, I gaze at the sky yearning for raindrops to wash my tear-filled eyes...

PS: This was written yesterday during my solemn sojourn on the bridge. Verbatim. It wasn't meant to be posted on this blog, had a friend not insisted.

Nothing Great About Rang De Basanti

2006-02-06T02:32:00.000-08:00

I wished to write this piece yesterday, but was simply unable to gather my thoughts. The post might be a bit haphazard since my mind still seems a bit confused.

Thought I was probably the last blogger in the world to watch Rang de Basanti. But, she beat me to it. Big Deal, you might say. But, with all the hoopla surrounding its release and the umpteen reviews posted on every Tom, Dick and Harry's blog, the expectations from the movie had reached a new high. The general consensus was "What? You haven't watch RDB!!!" Alright, now I have.

If a frame by frame dissection of a movie reveals infinitesimally minute loose ends, only then can it lay claim to greatness. Sadly, Rang De Basanti fails in this respect. On its surface, the movie appears seamless, without any apparent flaws and bereft of stereotypes. Scratch harder, dig deeper, scan it under a microscope and RDB gets exposed. Technically brilliant (Ah! Those sepia tones), effective characterisation backed by praiseworhy performaces, mindblowing music by A R Rahman, parallel drawn between the Bhagat Singh episode and the current happenings in the lives of the characters, etc, etc. This film has it all. Yet, it fails somewhere. Honestly, I do not know where. The je ne sais quois that constitutes great cinema is missing.

The movie attempts to tread two different paths, that of a feel-good bindaas movie a la Dil Chahta Hai and a take on social awakening a la Swades minus the preachy sermons. Unfortunately, it ends up nowhere. The insouciant humour of Akash is missing, so is the conviction of Mohan Bhargava. You neither leave your seat yelling, "paisa-vasool" nor does it chain you to your comfy multiplex seat for that extra second longer and compel you to introspect.

The first half drags on for a wee bit showcasing the carefree materialistic existence of a bunch of friends. I could find very little humour and whatever I could, found it a bit induced. And to think that the entire theatre was in splits every few seconds made me check whether my auricle was obstructing sound waves from reaching the cochlea. But, all seemed in perfect order. My only real laugh came somewhere during the second half where Mohan Agashe's character is depicted as Gen Dyer shouting orders at Jalianwala Bagh with a smirk on his face. Somehow, it seemed comical.

Where the film goes horribly wrong is in the last half-hour giving rise to a strong suspicion that the director probably got into his Aks mode. Hindi film-makers age-old obsession with a grand ending proves to be its undoing.

The transformation of the characters from self-indulgent individuals into revenge seekers gunning-for-the-Defence-Minister's-blood seemed unreal. The shift in their convictions and priorities could have been dealt with much better by employing the Bhagat Singh backdrop than through the cliched callous statements of a politician.

The means adopted by the group is, of course, open to debate. The very fact that they believe in their action made them lose my respect and whatever sympathy they had garnered. Also, in today's world where each and every move of the Govt is being tracked by media hawks, the brutal lathi charge on demonstrators and final sequence of commandoes bumping off five unarmed self-confessed non-terrorists, both in full public view, is a bit too far-fetched.

Irrespective of these flaws, the film will be a hit. As a friend of mine quipped, "The Hindi film watchers are treated to so much of mediocrity that their definition of 'Great Cinema' has plummeted."

Will the movie actually awaken the youth? Naah. What it will help popularise is the till-now-restricted-to-the-North term Behn di Taki. I prefer the good old Behnchot....

Magic Moment: The intensity in Karan's (Siddharth) eyes when he hugs Sonia (Soha) and Ajay (Madhavan) right after they get engaged. Those eyes....

I'M UP FOR GRABS!!!

2006-01-28T02:49:00.000-08:00

Over the past 18 months or so, I have been to various colleges across India to participate in quizzes. They have been more or less restricted to Business Quizzes. And the experience has been far from satisfactory. That is, if one leaves aside the winning part of it. I have won quite a few and have been there in the big league, so to say.

But, being a true quizzer, I have to admit that an overwhelming majority of these quizzes have left a lot to be desired. I cannot remember the number of times I have sat through shoddy quizzes by so-called professional quizmasters and cursed them for ruining my evenings. Have witnessed Sid Basu boogie-woogie on stage and Derek No Brainer degrade participants. In the process of taking quizzing to the masses, they have reduced it to the level of a tamasha.

Any rant on the pathetic state of affairs in Indian quizzing will be incomplete without a mention of Pornob-without-the-B. In the garb of catering to die-hard quizzers, he has done the maximum damage to the spirit of quizzing. The blatant lies and concoted truths that he spews off quicker than the blink of an eye are the stuff of legends.

So all ye people out there, hear...I'M UP FOR GRABS!!!

If your college/institution wants to do a quiz for quizzers and not for the family, here I am.
If you believe that the centre of attraction should be the quiz and not the quizmaster, here I am.
If your sponsors aren't hankering you for a celebrity QM, here I am.
If you want a quiz without the flashy presentations and high-tech gizmos, here I am.
If you want a quiz without the nonsensical anything-under-the-sun or any-page-from-the-newspaper rounds, here I am.
If you are looking for a QM who can pass logical/witty comments without going overboard, here I am.
If you are a believer in 'simple quiz format' and 'tough yet enjoyable quiz content', here I am.
If you want a QM who makes, neither tasteless remarks at participants nor passes at female organisers, here I am.
Lastly and most importantly, if you crave for original, well-researched questions, here I am.

What I have...
I do not want to gloat over quizzes that I have conducted so far. Its for you to find out. For starters... ARMAGEDDON. Ask any Bombay-based business quizzer worth his salt and he/she shall inform you.

What I can...
General, Business, Sports, Literature and Entertainment. I guess that pretty much covers the entire spectrum.

What I will...
There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch. So, SHOW ME THE MONEY. When I do my job, I expect to be paid for it. It will be peanuts when compared with exorbitant-to-the-extent-of-extortion amounts that are charged by 'biggies'. But, charge...I will.

E-Mail: dhanu80@rediffmail.com
Ph: 09821842410

I'M ALL YOURS!!!

My Quiz Blog

2006-01-22T23:44:00.000-08:00

This post marks the debut of my quiz blog titled Quizzing Nirvana.

Sports quizzing is one of my weaker areas. Took it up as a personal challenge and have posted a Sports Quiz. Here are a couple of questions:

1. He played baseball for New York Giants, Cincinnati Reds and Boston Braves. In his lackluster career, he amassed a .252 batting average over 289 games. He continued to play with teams in minor leagues until 1922. He also played Amercian football for Canton Bulldogs and went on to become the first President of American Professional Football Association, the predecessor of National Football League. Who?

2. She was initially a ballet artist, but turned to gymnastics after her choreographer moved out of town. At the age of 19, she debuted internationally at the 1954 Rome World Championships. She won a total of 18 Olympic medals (still unbeaten) including 9 gold, 5 silver and 4 bronze). Who?

Read the rest of the questions here.

BEST Trip

2006-01-21T23:39:00.000-08:00

Ui Shamasha Ui, Ui Shamasha,
Le Ja Pyaar Zara Sa, De Ja Pyaar Zara Sa.
Thus, blared the speakers.

In the midst of inadvertent mouthing of the lyrics, my cellphone rang,
Me: Hello
She: Hello
Me: Bol Tillu
A two-second pregnant pause in humble homage to the Ui Ui Ui Ui line.
She: Abe! Subah Subah Mujra Dekh Raha Hai Kya?
Me: Nahin! Main Bus Mein Hoon.
She: Achha. To Kya Shirdi Ja Raha Hai.
Me: Arre, Nahin Re. Main BEST Ke Naye Bus Mein Baitha Hoon Aur FM Pe Yeh Gaana Baj Raha Hai.

Thought Bubble: Hell!!! A two-year stay in the US and the birth of a baby hasn't frayed her sense of humour.

As our conversation (strewn with such inane leg-pulling quite inconsequential to the post) progressed, the seamless transformation onto 'Ambe Hai Meri Maa, Durge Hai Meri Maa' went unnoticed. I am not too sure of the exact sequence of parentage. So, Durga might be the first mother and not Amba, as mentioned above. Anywhichways...

After my phone-call ended...
Thought Bubble: Hmmm...two songs from the same movie on FM. Quite Strange....Maybe, they started some new program like Channel V, where we are treated to Shakira's backside Back-2-Back.

And then, 'Mera Chana Hai Meri Marzi Ka'. To quote Dhritarashtra's character from the hilarious Mahabharat sequence in 'Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron', "This is too much." If some radio station plays three songs from a movie like Kranti, rest assured, some or the other person will sue them for 'Wilful Mind-Fuck'.

Clouds of dust raised in the air, what with a Thought Bubble clashing with Visual Imagery.

Thought Bubble: Chana. But, why Chana?...I have a long way to go in understanding metaphors.
vs
Visual Imagery: Manoj 'Bharat' Kumar with a noose around his neck swaying in a see-saw fashion.

Deep into the conflict, the cute-like heaven girl (that I have mentioned in one of my earlier posts) smiled. Probably, she understood my predicament.

My heart skipped a beat, what with dark visions of fourth-degree torture doing a danse macabre in front of my eyes. In fact, I'm quite sure, I slipped into a coma. Then,

Thought Bubble: What if the next song turns out to be "Zindagi Ki Na Toote Ladiiiii, Pyaar Kar Le Ghadi Do Dhadi."

One of my childhood fantasies was a Hema Malini drenched to the...ahem...whatever. And, Manoj Kumar with a constipated look on his face, struggling to unshackle those iron chains all in the hope of touching Hemaji's tips (I mean, fingertips) made comical viewing. Perfect blend of Sex and Comedy. And I came back to life.

In the absence of any traffic jams, the bus was cruising at top speed. And considering the fact that it was BEST, Top Speed = 30 KPH. All I could hope for was some stray dog to do a Dharmendra-like Suicide act. And I would have compensated the dog's family and friends with an unending supply of bitches. Anything to ensure that the bus ride lasts a few minutes more, so that I could relive the Hema act. See, I love animals, lest any PETA activist reads this post. But, lets face facts. I LOVE HEMA MALINI more than bloody dogs.

Alas! Real life ain't no Bollywood movie. As the opening bars of the afore-mentioned song added fuel to the fire in my...well...wherever, the crude voice of the conductor, "Chala. Maker Towers Waale." Damn the KLPD!!!

Strand Ki Jai Ho!!!

2006-01-20T10:32:00.000-08:00

What do you do when you have less than a 1000 bucks in your account and the Annual Strand Book Sale is on? Well, just drag along a friend who can finance you and make him cough out quite a hefty amount and promise him to pay back next month interest-less.

Today was the second day of the sale and the visit was worth it. Excellent collection.

Richer by:

The Trial - Franz Kafka
The Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka
The Age of Reason - Jean Paul Sartre
Foucault's Pendulum - Umberto Eco
Portnoy's Complaint - Pihlip Roth
The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
Complete Adventures of Feluda (Vol. 2) - Satyajit Ray
Crime and Punishment - Dostoyevsky
The Myth of Sisyphus - Albert Camus

Messaged a few friends just for their reactions.

Friend 1: "When will I be able to indulge myself? Waiting for my first cheque."
((Oye! Pehle cheque se books khareedegi. To party kya mere paise se degi?))

Friend 2: "Abe saale. Daaru ka poora paisa uda diya."
((Apna Daaru ka hisaab alag hota hai. The Calvin & Hobbes collection would have given you an erection, something that even blue-films have been unable to.))

Friend 3: "Plath?? Will definitely go there."
((Found just four copies of Bell Jar. Two of them are with me and Mr. Misogynist. Now go and trace the other two, if you can and if its still left.))

Mom's reaction: "Poora stall utha ke laya kya? Abhi rakhega kahan par?"
Hmm...never thought of that. In fact, I did. But, it was just a fleeting one. I do not waste my brains on such petty affairs. And, considering the fact that 11 of my books are in private circulation, I am actually starved of shelf space. Anywhichways...

What's It Going To Be Then, Eh?

2006-01-18T23:14:00.000-08:00

Appy polly loggy for the lingo, lest you label me bezoomny.

Alex (a lex, 'without law' in Latin), the protagonist is a nadsat who roams the street with his banda committing ultra-violence for enjoyment. Drunk on Moloko Plus, eyeing at groodies and sharries and armed with britva and nozh, Alex and his droogs indulge in crast and tolchoking and the old in-out-in-out routine. The dripping of krovvy and the creeching of victims gives them a horrorshow high.

Classical music, a passion of Alex leads to an unsavoury bit of dratsing with his droog named Dim. During an act of razrez at a rich baboochka's domy, Alex is betrayed by Dim leading to his arrest by millicents. He is sent to Staja for having murdered the baboochka. There he is picked for the experimental rehabilitation technique 'Ludovico's treatment', which consists of drugging the plenny and making him viddy sinny of Nazi torture and such like. So much so that even the thought of violence induces nausea.

Upon his release, he is rejected by his pee and em and receives some tolchoking from one of his earlier victims and his droogs. He stumbles upon the house of F D Alexander, whose wife he had once in-ou-in-outed. FD drugs him and plays Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. What was previously his favourite, now drives him to suicide. After surviving the fall and having Ludovico's Treatment reversed, Alex is back to his 'normal' self (droogs and all) but exercises his moral choice and renounces violence.

Supposedly inspired from an incident involving the author's wife, the book raises some fundamental questions regarding human behaviour and the role of the state. Is a conditioned human capable of only doing good really human? Is lack of choice and being good better than the choice to be bad? Should the state repress the free-will of an anti-social individual through conditioning thus denying him the right to learn from experiences and make moral choices? Is inappropriate punishment justifiable in transforming violent youth into civilised individuals? Civilised, My Syphilised Yarbles...

PS: 'A Clockwork Orange' by Anthony Burgess

You've Got Mail

2006-01-17T10:00:00.000-08:00

I usually do not open any of the spam mails. But, today I made an exception. And it turned out to be a revelation of sorts. Here is the spam I received (Quite Graphic):

As seen on "Sex and The City"
http://shoottheduckad.com/

This classic vibrator is a womans best friend...
The Jack Rabbit Vibrator is a dual control multi-speed vibrating and rotating 7 1/2" x 1 1/2" Vibrator.
Made of a bright pink, pliant jelly, the tip is realistically sculpted.
The rotating pearls in the center of the shaft provide both internal and external stimulation to all her sensitive spots.
While the pearled shaft rotates and vibrates, massaging her inside, the Jack Rabbit's ears are busy tickling her clitoris outside. The shaft and stimulator are controlled separately, so she can customize her experience every time.

Jack Rabbit Vibrator Features:

Dual Control Multi-Speed Vibrator
Rotating Pearls
Rabbit Ears for External Clitoral Stimulation
The Jack Rabbit is 7 1/2 inches long x 1 1/2 inches in diameter

More info here:
http://shoottheduckad.com/

Planning to write them back thus:

I am touched with your sustained interest in my personal life.

Firstly, my TV viewing habits are restricted to 'K'-rappy serials that my mom watches and hence I have not been a witness to your product placement in "Sex and the City".

Secondly, just as the Hindi Muhavra goes "Taali Do Haathon Se Bajti Hai", similarly I believe there is a minimum requirement of two when it comes to the act or art of pleasuring up. Unfortunately, my life resembles a banjar zameen with no oasis in sight. Pardon my lachrymose prose, but I am sure you understand that the lack of a significant better by your bedside is quite a touchy issue.

Thirdly, notwithstanding the great features of the tool, aren't you targetting the wrong section of the population. Honestly, which male in his right senses would buy your product. Do you envisage a scenario where a man might gift it to a lady thus, "Look honey, what I bought for you. I hope this stops your complaints. And I'm going off to sleep rightaway. Have fun."

You Oughta Know

2006-01-16T21:04:00.000-08:00

Hurt, Hatred, Self-deprecation, Love, Revenge, Anger, Envy... This song has it all.

I want you to know, that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theatre
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her

Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
.............
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
.............
You, you, you oughta know

Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

And I'm here to remind you
.............
You, you, you oughta know

Nameless Faceless Commentless Readers

2006-01-14T00:57:00.000-08:00

I am a small fish in an ocean. Alright, it would be wrong to classify the Indian blogosphere as an ocean. But, there are certainly some sharks present. OK! I am a new-born jhinga in a pond. Sorry about that last line.

But, I have my small set of readers. For the past 10 days or so, my sitemeter shows a slow and steady 50-60 hits per day. So there are people who read my blog. And, I believe around 20-25 of them might be typing my blog url every couple of days.
The hits increased by more than 50 between yesterday evening when I left office and today morning. Maybe, the outsourcing sweatshop slaves (as some stupid report classified them) who have nothing better to do, visit my blog. But how many of them leave a comment? Honestly, if you all actually don't have anything to do, why not leave a comment like "Hi. I am so-and-so. Your post on Peter North gave me dreams of the non-dry kind." or "The puke that you spew as writing sucks bigtime." Though if you do the latter then pardonez moi, but I might ask you to "Go and get a life", "Take a chill pill", "Buy yourself 10 kgs of sense of humour", etc. etc. And I wouldn't be too wrong, would I???

I can liken this phenomenon to my 110-member strong JBIMS yahoogroup where hardly five people send mails. And three of them send stupid forwarded jokes or 'you will be lucky if you forward this' kinda mails. The other two bash the daylights out of those three, albeit on cyberspace highway, for sending such mails. I really do not know why this happens. Is it that difficult for people to send an e-mail or just post a "Hello. Liked it." comment on blogs. It just takes 10 seconds.

I am sure, this post will receive comments only from the usual folks. Maybe, even they won't. The rest might read it and say, "What a loser! Writes lines starting with Maybe/OK/But/Honestly/Alright and expects us to comment and bloat his ego." Anywhichways...

Unknown Star!!!

2006-01-12T05:05:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the last day of my self-imposed Cellphone Vanvaas. Friends and Comrades, bring on the corny, horny, porny messages. The last 10 days have been quite peaceful, what with me not having to listen to the Roadhouse Blues ringtone. As they say, familiarity breeds contempt and all that jazz.

One man I have never felt contempt towards is Peter North. In fact, I am plain jealous. Some of the bachha party reading this post, might be inclined to ask "Who, Peter North?"

Alright, how many of you have watched slightly-hued films aka Bhakt Prahlad aka devotional movies, etc, etc. Oh! I can see thousands of men. Ladies, don't feel shy to raise your hand. Hmmm...1...4...13...78... Whoa! Whoa! ....922... So many of you females. Wow!!! How many of you remember Peter North? Its indeed sad that even with such a huge audience, the man behind the famous thrusts and the music-to-the-ears Oohs and Aahs remains forgotten.

Woe betide you, if you haven't witnessed some of the most stunning sequences filmed in cinema history. For more than 20 years, he has captured the imagination of young impressionable minds like mine by playing out our wildest fantasies on celluloid. His inimitable manner of saying, "Oh, Yeah." has transformed film watching habits of millions across the world. A star so famous he has movies named after him and his...well...ahem...Ok, the movie is North Pole. On last count, there were 58 parts to this longest running series in the history of cinema. Guinness Book, anyone.

Standing ramrod straight at 1.80 m, armed with well-chiselled athletic features coupled with ancient Grecian looks of the kind Adonis would have been proud of, Peter entered the big bad world of more-than-just-skin flicks out of sheer desperation. Heavily in debt and a zaalim duniya to cater to, his life story is a source of inspiration for thousands of struggling starlets. With over 1600 films to his credit, he has indeed gone where no man has gone before. From Rebecca Wild to Jill Kelly to Traci Lords, he has rubbed shoulders (and a lot more) with them all. His nicknames include 'The Sperminator' and 'Sir Cumalot', indicating his deep interest in science fiction and history and other such exotic topics.

Much before Clinton shot to fame with his cigar smoking trick, Peter was busy setting new 'job' responsibilities for the White House designate in The Oval Office.

Those who lament the lack of a storyline in his flicks, better watch Adventures of Tracy Dick: The Case of the Missing Stiff. A true blue (detective) film. And the beauty of the last word. Replace the 'i' with the vowels 'a' or 'u', the essence of the movie remains the same. Perfect example of arming oneself against possible spelling mistakes by lazy poster designers. And, if you think this is the only detective movie he has acted in, remember there is Ass Ventura: Crack Detective and several others to boot.

Pit all the James Bond actors against Peter, I am sure they all will come a cropper. With a movie that goes by the name of Jane Bond Meets the Man with the Golden Rod, what chance do poor Sean, Roger, et al stand. Nada. Zero. Zilch....

Wanna watch classic novels captured on screen? How about Midslumber's Night Dream (Move aside Shakespeare. Here comes Sex Spear.) or The Three Muskatits.

Being an anti-war movie fanatic, something that my neighbourhood VCD wallah is quite oblivious to, I once asked for Born on the 4th of July. A prompt handing over of the VCD was followed by a slight snigger. The reason behind the chuckle became obvious when I switched on the CD player, only to realise that the movie was a slightly different interpretation of the 'Make Love, Not War' theme. You see, the movie was Porn on the 4th of July. What's more, a Peter North starrer.

At an age where the hoi polloi are busy gaping at protrusions and apertures of all sizes and shapes, poor moi was absorbed in studying the full-throttle vibrations and the action-reaction mechanism of the actors. Peter astounded me with his Energiser Bunny-like performance, and his copious amounts of bodily fluid, besides leaving the female co-stars a bitter pill to swallow also reminded me of the endless potential of the human vitals. An actor who took perfection to its highest level, so much so that his co-stars are barred from touching his hair during the act, coz., it disturbs him.

Alas, age has caught up. Not with him, but ME. Have reached the crossroads of my life where people lament, "Yeh Game Dekhne Ka Umar Nahin Raha". The ride has been worth it, Peter. So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish. Sorry, Jizz...

Sapna Mera Toot Gaya....

2006-01-12T03:16:00.000-08:00

Nahin!!! Mera Stan-C Dream Run registration ko reject kiya gaya. Also, the Supreme Court rejected my petition seeking 0.0001% reservations for Shettigar Khandaan.

Not that I would have done too well, this time around. Yeah! 7 kms might be regarded as short-change or chutta paisa by a lot of people including my Big B. (Incidentally, my brother harbours ambitions of running half-marathon next year and full marathon the year after.) But, all the cigarettes have indeed taken a heavy toll on my stamina. Though yours truly quit smoking recently, there was probably no chance of him completing a proper 7 km run without the customary stopovers. To compound problems, I don't even have the Pooja Bhatt kinda legs to expose and hitch rides. (Not that she had great legs, anyways.) In all probability, I would have sputtered and stuttered and breasted the tape long after the organisers had gone back home and consumed a nice hot lunch. OK! Add a mid-afternoon quickie, as well. I am not much of a distance runner anyways. Give me a 100 m dash anyday and this Dhanno will run faster than what my equine namesake ran when Basanti's izzat was at stake. Bets!!!

But, in typical Arnie fashion, I'll Be Back. Jogging, Main Aa Rahaa Hoon....

Links to some Excellent Posts

2006-01-05T02:41:00.000-08:00

It is unusual to encounter high-quality writing on blogs and that too within a couple of days. Maybe, the new year has injected a fresh dose of life into bloggers. Among some of the posts that I have been reading since Monday, here are the top-5.

http://sidin.blogspot.com/2006/01/phyrds-uykl-33.html
Sidin is back with a bang. This time with a post on his attempts to gain mastery over Hindi.

http://aashraya.blogspot.com/2006/01/chapter-6-forest-hump.html
Crystal Blur's installment of Mahabharata - Chapter 6

http://greatbong.blogspot.com/2006/01/great-indian-humor-challenge.html
Great Bong on the quality (or the lack of it) of humour in India and its reasons.

http://mysticmusician.blogspot.com/2006/01/blind-mans-buffcome-twilight.html
Surya has an excellent post on a friend. Its just that her friend happens to be blind.

http://opinion.paifamily.com/?p=1773
A post on reservations and a heated debate in the comments section.

What a 10-year old held on to dearly in life

2006-01-04T04:30:00.000-08:00

Sometime in 1990, a 10-year old picked up a newspaper and proceeded to read an article whose headline screamed about Mandal Commission. The boy, who until then had never gone past the sports page stood up and took notice. On asking what the entire controversy was all about, his dad dismissed it off as "Bandal Commission". His eyes opened and his morning newspaper reading habits were never the same again.

To be honest, the boy understood very little of politics or sociology. But, what he found disgusting was the caste card being flashed to move ahead in life. Later, the boy found that he himself belonged to the 'lower-caste'. Yet, the disgust lingered.

He performed below expectations in SSC. On the day of submitting application forms he mistakenly stood in the queue for SC/ST candidates and found 16-year olds dressed in Calvin Klein jeans and Polo T-shirts. He was asked to play the caste trick and gain admission into some respectable college. He refused and settled for a college that is more (in)famous for the brothels that surround it.

He ended up making a hash of HSC exams. Yet again he refused the SC/ST quota and gained admission into one of the lower-rung New Bombay engg colleges. That he went on to quit engg (after two years) is a different matter altogether.

He took the entrance exam for an undergraduate management course and ended up with a decent rank. On his first day in college, he met students who had scored less than 25% of what he had, proudly proclaiming their top-10 ranks. Students, whose sole claim to fame in life was their surname. The boy never discriminated against these free-riders, but somewhere at the back of the mind, his contempt for them remained.

Later, his attempt at belling the CAT proved successful. With his almost-99 percentile and decent GD/PI at IIM-L, all he needed was a caste certificate and he would have been duly inducted into the hallowed precincts of an IIM. He refused. He claimed, "I am a Narcissist. I like to watch my reflection, first thing in the morning."

He had to rest content with cracking CET and got admitted into a top-rung B-School. Managed to pass without any problems and is currently working at a private bank. A boy who always told himself, "If you are good, you will be successful." had finally got his due, without the help of artifical crutches like caste and quota.

Today, around 16 years after the day that shaped his belief, he read about the Govt's attempts (or is it arm-twisting) to introduce caste-based quota in private firms. He cried.

Just a random post

2006-01-03T03:09:00.000-08:00

For the first time in weeks, I am short of ideas. I don't have any topic in mind to blog about and here I am, trying in vain, to type something. Maybe, the tip-tap-tip of the keyboard gives me a certain pleasure. Call it writer's block. Though, to be quite frank, I am no writer. I am just a silly blogger who, in moments of insanity (which in my case, lasts almost throughout the day, except currently), believes himself to be a writer. Its been around 80 words already and I am still searching for a suitable topic.

I can wish you all a Happy New Year and proceed to bore you with my New Year exploits with litres of liquor and packets of cigarettes. But, who writes about them anyways? And, if someone does, who reads?

I can blog about the resort owner's daughter, on seeing whom, the first thought that crossed my mind was, "Is she the reason why this place is named 'Ultimate Paradise'?"

I can rant against those couples I encountered, who sat on their partners laps and cootchie-cooed in broad daylight (or was it moonlight) and danced to the tune of 'Nothing Else Matters'. I can use cuss-words and ask them not to insult Metallica, but I don't feel like it. Maybe, they are just not worth it.

I don't have a love-life to write about. (Not that if I did, I would.) Whatever I had, is history and I would want it to remain that way. Maybe, I am too decent a guy to talk about my ex-es.

I am no expert on political matters to comment on Vajpayee's retirement. I am happy that he finally did. Right man in the wrong party, I guess. Though, which is the right party, I wonder.

I feel like laughing on all those stupid idiots who read Bombay Times at 8.30 in the morning while commuting to their workplace. I can ask them not to insult their intelligence, but I don't care.

I can talk about that girl in the 8.38 Thane-VT slow train who has been reading 'Atlas Shrugged' for the past 10 days. Or, the one with the cute-like-heaven looks whom I eye every morning in the VT-WTC Bus No.2. How I wish I could speak with either or both of them, atleast once. But, I won't.

I can weave a poetic web of fantasy in my attempt to describe the chilly breeze that hits my face and rejuvenates me everytime I climb down 13 floors after moving my ass from my chair at my workplace. But, I don't want to.

I can blog about a fellow-mate who recently took the plunge into wedlock. I can refer to it as "Another One Bites The Dust" or some such, but shall refrain from it.

I can describe the thoughts that crossed my mind when I chanced upon the phony quizmaster Pornob-without-the-B at Baghdadi on the 30th. How I wished to squash his balls and make mincemeat of them. That is, if he has any. What I did instead, was extend my hand in a courteous gesture. And my mind was racing with the filthiest abuses. I can ask you all whether my action was hypocritical, but I won't. I know.

2005: The Year That Was

2005-12-30T02:49:00.000-08:00

This in all probability will be my last post for the year, unless some earth-shattering event transpires tomorrow (read, some girl crazy enough to love me, actually drops the bomb). Quite a nice way to end Y2K5 considering the fact that this is my 50th post. Completely unintended, I should admit.

The year has been quite eventful for me:
Jumped onto the blogging bandwagon (albeit, a bit late)
Finally started earning my own bread
Discovered my love for classic movies

Also, quite a few aspects changed over the course of the past 12 months. These include:

Start: Wannabe Gasmaster MBA
Mid: Grossly Overpaid MBA
End: Just Another Frustrated MBA

S: Moderate Smoker
M: Heavy Smoker
E: One last puff on the 31st and that would be it for a lifetime.

S: Where will I get placed?
M: Will I love my job?
E: My job sucks!!!

A year in which I must have read around 40-45 books (hmm...can certainly do better) and watched an equal number of movies (half of them being Bollywood trash).

A year in which I made quite a handful of friends, and unlike the whiff-of-the-breeze acquaintances that MBAs like me are programmed to, some of them will hopefully remain with me for a lifetime.

Pradnya - with whom the number of messages exchanged during the year outweighs the number of words we had spoken right since our first year of BMS. One of the primary reasons why my cellular service operator hasn't gone bankrupt.
Ashwin - my BMS super-junior who was granted the privilege of being a co-research member for Armageddon and with whom I have spent countless evenings accompanied by Sharab and Kebab. Sorry, junta. No Shabaab.
Surya - who made the mistake of approaching me for career guidance. Oye! Mera career ka pata nahin. Main tujhe kya bataoon? Anywhichways, I managed to pull off the stunt in typical Dhanno fashion, which ensured that our friendship grew within no time.
Prasanna and Pallavi - my JBIMS juniors with whom I and Hansie had a rollicking time at MICA.
Varun and Siddharth - who mistook my garbled nonsense as genuine advice. Fortunately, we came out trumps, guys. You should be proud of what you managed.
How could I forget you all - Nikki (sans, the Neal), Kankan, Diya, Arvind, Rohan, Saurabh, Abhay, Alex, etc. etc.

A certain unnamed individual deserves a mention. I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU!!!

Happiest Moment of the Year: Armageddon 2005 - At the end of the quiz, the team from TCS Calcutta, walked up to me and said, "We are not at all sad that we finished last. We are happy that we witnessed such a high-quality quiz."
Saddest Moment of the Year: Placement Day at JBIMS. Will leave it for some other post.
Embarassing Moment of the Year: Intaglio at IIM-Calcutta - Was forced to play the role of a female for the Ad-Mad Show. Am still wondering whether the audience applauded out of genuine appreciation or were they just pulling my leg. We won though :)

One thing that hasn't changed:
S: No Girlfriend
M: No Girlfriend
E: No Girlfriend

Darned Year, I Tell You!!!

PS: Just a couple of doubts, which might or might not bear resemblance to events past, present or future. Can someone tell me whether the following two are instances of compliments or insults:
1. Your hairstyle is likened to that of Ajay Devgan.
2. You are termed 'Perfect Husband Material'.

2005 Hindi Movies

2005-12-29T00:28:00.000-08:00

Here is the list of Rediff Top-10 Indian movies in 2005.

My first reaction was: What? No, Black!!! Even though it was an overly melodramatic movie with grand sets and a bit too larger-than-life character portrayals, I still believe it deserves a mention. If Garam Masala could, then Black certainly does.

Another movie that should have been included is Black Friday, irrespective of the fact that it had to pulled out of the theatres for stupid reasons. Though, I myself haven't watched it, a couple of my friends who were fortunate enough to have, sing paeans of glory. Does anyone own a VCD? Please lend!!!

Fortunately, no Bunty Aur Babli. Just cannot understand how people found the movie funny?!

Ever since Tabu got impregnated by a ghost in the movie Hawa, I have steered myself clear of Bollywood ghost movies. That explains why I havent' seen Paheli. And most definitely would not want to touch movies like Bluffmaster, My Wife's Murder and Seher with a ten-foot pole.

All in all, a worthless Top-10 list.

My Top-5 Hindi movies would be Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi, Black, Iqbal, Black Friday and hmm.... Sorry, only four good movies in the year. Ok, remove Black as well.

Final Word on my Wedding

2005-12-28T23:35:00.000-08:00

As per my investment plans, I shall get married in 2009 (Sorry, Mommy!!!). All that remains is finding a suitable girl.
Caste: No Bar
Sex: Baar Baar

New Year Plans

2005-12-27T03:27:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine called me up yesterday to discuss about our plans for the 31st. After the usual friendly banter, the two of us got down to business.

He: Arre, Dhanno. Yaar Kya Karna Hai 31st Ko? See, my girlfriend has already asked me come over to her place, since her parents will be out. So, kuchh jaldi bol, warna main uske ghar pe jaaonga.
Me: Oh! So you want to start the New Year with a Bang. Wanting to match the strokes of midnight with your own. Hmmm...

After five seconds of silence, his usual tirade of gaali-galouj ensued. I wonder why???

1st movie review - Garam Masala

2005-12-23T23:12:00.000-08:00

Ever since I entered a movie-hall to watch 'Mangal Pandey - The Rising' and was subjected to a cleavage show of Kiron Kher, I have been skeptical of all movies, Bollywood. So yesterday when my local cablewallah beamed 'Garam Masala', it was with a sense of trepidation that I proceeded to make myself comfy with a cuppa coffee and ice-cream to keep me company. What raised my expectations was the fact that it was directed by Priyadarshan, whose filmography includes Virasat, Gardish, Muskurahat and Hera Pheri. Though, what followed was an ordeal that I am still recovering from.

Here is the basic plot:
Mac (Akshay Kumar) is engaged to Anjali (Rimi Sen). I know, Rimi sported the same name in Hungama. But if Shahrukh can be Rahul in a hazaar movies, then why not??? Mac is also a flirt. And like all flirts, he flirts around with three air-hostesses that go by the name of Priti, Sweety and Pooja (hereafter referred to as PYTs), played by Daisy Bopanna, Neetu Chandran and Nargis. I think respectively, though I don't care. They were pretty and quite hot. What's in a name, said Voltaire.
Sam (John Abraham), Mac's friend is obviously not happy watching Mac indulging himself in the foursome wholesome entertainment and hence, wants a share of the booty. After veiled and not-so-veiled threats to spill the beans, Sam is made an accomplice to help Mac live the entire lie. Uncle Mambo (Paresh Rawal) is Mac's cook who prepares dishes suited to the differing tastes of the three PYTs and helps Mac get out of trouble with his three-timing act.
The situation gets stickier when the airlines schedules are changed and the PYTs end up at Mac's place at the same time. So, we witness the by-now cliched one-door-opening-another-door-closing scenes. Duh!!!
The PYTs see through the entire act and so does Anjali. But, Anjali forgives Mac and all's well that ends well. Thank you very much. Pikchar Khatam. Paisa Hajam.

Honestly, is this a movie? No. Its a farce. What gave me the heartiest laugh was Anjali forgiving Mac. Picturise this scene featuring Mac, Sam and Anjali:
Mac: Anjali. Main...
Sam: Maine Anjali Ko Sab Bata Diya Hai. Aur Usne Tumhe Maaf Bhi Kar Diya.

What??? Just like that. Is she some sort of a naive bimbette?

I beg to disagree with people who claim that Akshay Kumar has a flair for comedy. Even Arnold Schwarzenegger was better in 'Jingle All The Way'. John, I always knew he cannot act. With this movie he just reaffirms my belief. Though, some are bound to miscontrue his fumbling-bumbling-falling-jumping-fast-talking-routine as comedy.
The three PYTs are quite decent (This observation has got nothing to do with my fetish for PYTs) They did what they were asked to i.e., strut their booty, act a bit bimbo-like, etc. etc. And they managed it without going overboard.
The only saving grace is Paresh Rawal, who with his impeccable timing and grumpy expressions makes dialogues like "Chaddi Main Roz Badalta Hoon" laugh-worthy.

On the whole, 'Garam Masala' is quite thanda. In fact, it is plain unpalatable affair. Unless you detach your brains and brace yourself for a 150 min third degree torture.

Quizzing Saga - II

2005-12-21T03:24:00.000-08:00

This post is a continuation of Quizzing Saga - I.

The fellowship began to flounder. Yogesh left for MICA, SK went off in pursuit of his Army dreams, JK got busy in his journalism course and me being the unconventional play-it-safe types joined JBIMS to do my MBA.

Unlike the usual non-quizzing culture at JB, my batch had its bunch of quizzers as diverse as possible.
Kunal - I personally believe he is one of the best sports quizzers in Bombay
Acharya - His knowledge of literature put me to shame
Neeraj - COEP quizzer, who unfortunately quizzed very little at JB due to his Placecom commitments
Amit Pandeya - The best business quizzer I have met and arguably, among the top-5 in the country.

First year passed off with hardly any quizzing activity. Restricted to a few copy-paste business quizzes in Bombay, the year 2003-04 was largely forgettable. Also, Amit being from the part-time course, I hadn't met him till then. Wait. In fact, one image is permanently embedded in my mind. That of Sid Basu shaking his booty to the tune of some VIVA song at IIT-SOM. PRICELESS!!!

During our summers, had quite a letdown. If anyone is in search of a perfect example to support the 'Daaru Buri Cheez Hai' theory, then this is it. Kunal, Acharya, Rakesh and I had teamed up for University Challenge. Kunal was supposed to take the prelims from Delhi, and the other three from Bombay. Unfortunately, he got drunk the night before and ended up at the wrong place the next day. Our dreams of starting our IInd year with a bang got squashed.

It was at Armageddon 2004 (incidentally, hosted by yours truly) where I met Amit for the first time. The fact that both of us were from JB surprised us and left us cussing, "Why the FUCK haven't we teamed up?" So, just like that, we did team up for almost all the quizzes. And, we had the most rollicking time.

The first quiz we paired up for was BT-Acumen, where we ended up as West Zone winners beating the Sidin and Abhijit duo from IIM-A with considerable ease. What followed was a fully-paid air-trip to Delhi for the National finals. It turns out to be the only quiz where my objective was to finish second rather than win. The reason was quite obvious. First prize was a trip to Australia and some crappy course at some university, whereas the second prize was a cool Kinetic Laser bike. Now, tell me, who would want to come first. And, we duly achieved our objective. Though, I have to admit that Chandan Mohanty and Dev Menon from IIFT, Delhi were the superior team on the day. And this is how the guy who cannot ride a bicycle won a bike.

There was Confluence at IIM-A, where we once again rocked. I and Acharya paired up for most of the quizzes and ended up performing quite well. Won the Marketing quiz and ended up 3rd in a couple of other quizzes. Amit joined us for the big one hosted by, who else, but the Ringmaster himself, Siddharth Basu. The quiz was quite bad, with rehashed stuff and dhaaped qns. Fortunately, won it on the last question. Will try and narrate the last 10 minutes of the quiz in a different post altogether.

I and Kunal teamed up for the Sports Quiz at Mood I at IIT-B. Frankly, I'm not much of a sports quizzer and almost the entire quiz rested on the shoulders of Kunal. With an excellent team from Anna University and the ESPN School Quiz Winners from Abhinav Vidyalaya now representing Fergusson College, we stood very little chance. Especially, with a partner like me. We decided to just have a good time. Kunal went to crack most of the football qns, prompting a murmur from the FC bachhas, "Kaay he? Kasa yeta hyaanna?" (How do they know all this stuff?) Quite an ego-booster, I should admit. We were pleasantly surprised to end up joint 3rd with the FC team. The only other time I and Kunal teamed up was at IIM-C for the business quiz, where I had to shoulder the responsibility and ended up making a hash of it. Could not even qualify for the finals, which Amit and Acharya went on to win in style.

Next was Tata Crucible hosted by Giri. Amit and I won the Bombay regional round quite comfortably, but got blown away in the National Finals by Arvind and Praveen from ICFAI, Chennai. Had to be content with the runners-up spot. A low-point for us, because I believe we had quite a good chance of winning it. But, it just wasn't our day and Arvind & Praveen were much better prepared than us.

The biggest disaster was the IMA-IBQ Brand Guru quiz at Indore. Acharya and I got knocked out in the student round semi-finals because of a dickhead QM, who goes by the name of Harish Bijoor.
Buzzer Round.
Qn - Which Indian brand advertises with a bunny?
I buzzed and answered Lijjat Papad / Sri Mahila Griha Udyog. To my utter horror, we were awarded negative points and Harish gave the answer as Nutrine. The explanation given was Lijjat Papad uses a rabbit and not a bunny. WHAT THE FUCK!!!

In between all this, we organised 'KwizKraft' - the first ever open Quiz Festival at JBIMS. Considering the miserly prize money, it turned out to be quite a decent show, with around 150 quizzers taking part in the day-long fest.

All in all, it was by far the most prolific year of quizzing for us all. And, especially for me. Maybe, because I finally found an excellent partner in Amit. Within business quizzing, we both had our distinct areas of competence, which helped us complement each other very well. Not to imply that JK / Hansie / Yogesh / SK were any less quizzers. But, we all belonged to the same school of quizzing. We all were good in brand name origins and company history. Amit, in addition to being good in these areas, was awesome in current affairs and business trivia. Which is why, we were such a deadly combo.

In a lot of ways, my quizzing days at JB were quite similar to those during BMS. True, the prizes got bigger and stakes got higher. The competition got a lot tougher. Rather than local train trips to Churchgate and Vile Parle, we now traveled to Ahmedabad and Delhi and Calcutta and Bangalore. But, the underlying element of fun and enjoyment remained the same. It was a phase of our lives that we lived to our fullest. A phase that we can be proud of, because when asked what we did in our two years of MBA, we can hold our heads high and refer not just to copy-paste projects and assignments and exams and placements, but also, to creating a name for ourselves in the b-school arena and our endeavor to be the best in atleast, a particular sphere.

What A Sham!!!

2005-12-15T03:54:00.000-08:00

Connect: Bhupinder Singh (Sr.), V B Chandrashekhar, Ranjib Biswal and Sanjay Jagdale.
I wouldn't be surprised if you ask, "Who the FUCK are they?"

Alright, add Kiran More.

I hope by now, you all might have guessed the subject matter of this post. If you haven't, GO AND DIE!!!

First things first. I LOVE GANGULY!!! But, going by the same token, I LOVE SACHIN, DRAVID, YUVRAJ, SEHWAG, LAXMAN, etc, etc. What I do hate are these five 'wise gentlemen' who decide the fates of players and that too in such arbitrary fashion.

The selectors had revealed themselves as 'a bunch of jokers' when they recalled Ganguly under the garb of an all-rounder. Probably they did not have the balls to tell the media and the public that he deserves a place in the side due to his batting skills alone and that we have decided to give him another chance. And now they have just confirmed their reputation by booting him out after a decent performance in the second test match.

When asked about Ganguly's exclusion from the India-South Africa ODI series this is what Kiran More replied, "We would not want to disturb a winning combination." Remember that India had then won against Sri Lanka 6-1. Back to present... the team wins and yet a need is felt to drop a player. Read, A PLAYER. Why? All with an eye on the future. Have you ever fucked up the present under the pretext of a bright future? The selectors have done just that.

If you ask me, there was nothing much to choose between Laxman (80), Ganguly (79), Yuvraj (77) and Dravid (77). Then why single out Dada for such harsh and totally unwarranted treatment?

Never in Ganguly's reign were we witness to him favouring a player from his region. NEVER. On the contrary, he always backed players like Yuvraj and Kaif, even when they were once-in-a-year performers. But, Jaffer's selection does smack of regionalism and petty politics, which is the unforunate part of the entire episode. Wasim Jaffer would now be looked upon as having entered through the back-door. Neither head nor heart thinks or feels otherwise. I hope he gets a chance to play in the third test and prove me wrong. But if he does play, it would mean no place for Gambhir. Then why not drop Gambhir from the 15?

This affair makes me angry at Dravid as well. Why did he not show the proverbial middle finger and supported Ganguly? I am sure, Chappell would have taught him the art of 'fingering'. Maybe, he is a naive captain. Maybe, he hasn't yet realised that captaincy is not just about field placements and bowling changes, but also about backing your players and fighting for them when they are going through rough patches. Sorry, Dravid. You have a long way to go....

One Genuine Doubt

2005-12-15T00:08:00.000-08:00

I might just lose all my beloved female readers because of this post. Caveat Emptor, All Ye Members Of The Fairer Sex. Do take it in a lighter spirit. In fact, I would advise you to take some spirit and then read on.

Yesterday... was watching some Marathi movie... there was this scene where a girl (A) asks a female friend (B) to accompany her to the toilet. B asks, "Has it started?" A replies, "No." I stared at the TV screen and asked, "Then Why?" I mean, why is it that females prefer emptying their...well whatever, in pairs. In fact, GROUP is the right word. Its almost as if "Come, let's go for a picnic." As simple as that.

The only time I tried to clear my doubt, I was met with cries of "Eeeee" and "Yuck" and a 'You Cheapo' curl of the eyebrows (by girls) and howls of laughter (boys will be boys). My reply "Its not a matter to laugh about" was seconded by the former, though I got thrashed when I added "it does make me go yuck" not-so-under my breath. What followed was a discourse on female-bonding. Beating around the bush, I said. And got promptly beaten up, till I found a bush to hide my battered body.

Just to prove my point, I have been plotting the number of females that enter a loo hand in hand. My entry for the IgNoble Awards. And the results so far bear testimony. The average (as of now) is 2.85. As I am typing this, I can hear giggles emanating out of the hallowed precincts at my workplace. Shhh! The door has opened. And out comes... one, two, three, four. Four females. See, I told you. If I add it to my sample study, the average stands at 2.90476.

The WHY persists. Any ideas.

Dhanno's World This Week

2005-12-11T09:56:00.000-08:00

Just back from a one-day trip to Lonavla with three of my friends with my mind rejuvenated and a bit fudged up as well. Though, don't ask me how is both of them possible at the same time.

Highlights of the trip:
1. 155 kmph on Expressway...Yippee...Whoppie...Just feels great with the wind blowing at your face at such high speeds
2. Tried out a full cigar for the first time in my life. Not bad, I should admit.
3. Parking the car at the side of a road and take deep breaths watching the sunset.

The spoiler being none of us took a camera along hoping one of the other three would take care of such 'little' details. Is there a plausible explanation for this phenomenon???

Anywhichways, the mind feels a lot fresher to dish out some meaningless posts on bedroom-bathroom habits of chimpanzees. So watch out.

Also, movies watched in the week:
1. Viruddh - Why did I?
2. Patton - Among the BEST movies I have watched. Need I tell anymore.
3. The Gold Rush - Chaplin at his best. That scene where he battles the wind to stand his ground is HILARIOUS.
4. On The Waterfront - Brando all the way. Ghulam was such a poor rip-off.
5. Pyaasa - The movie reminded me of Atlas Shrugged. Time for my third reading of the Ayn Rand classic.

Books read -
1. E V Rieu's English text translation of Homer's Odyssey - There's something about mythology that fascinates me. More about my love for myth in a future post.
2. Currently, in the midst of 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being' by Milan Kundera.

So, a week that started off with a morose, depressed moi (though the posts portray a different picture) ends up with me sporting a toothpaste-advertisement smile. Eeeeee!!!

Shaadi Karo Beta

2005-12-08T03:45:00.000-08:00

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a mid-20s Indian with a doting mother will run at the slightest hint of marriage.

What is this obsession with mothers? Any and every friend of mine has a horror story to narrate about their mother's attempts at getting her child hooked on to the idea of marriage. Umpteen have been my tiffs with mommy over the afore-mentioned subject, though till now she has only resorted to subtle hints and not blatant threats. But, yes, she has gone to the extent of, "Dekh Beta. Your brother had an inter-caste marriage. I hope you will marry within the caste." In fact, she doesn't use the word 'hope'. Instead, "I WANT you to..."

Usually such discussions are nipped in the bud with a deft wag of the tongue ranging from,

1. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. Just last week I got married."
2. "Why do you want me to go through all those 'K-episode' moments in my life?" Then ramble on about scheming daughters-in-law, a la, Mohini from KSBKBT.
3. "But, I thought child marriage was abolished a long time back." And expound on the teachings of Raja Ram Mohan Roy, etc. etc.

One response that I haven't tried as yet is "I am gay." (Which I am NOT) Me thinks, it would have the opposite effect on mommy-dearest and she might pursue her bridal-explorations with renewed vigour.

As an aside, just a random thought... Why do virgins feel their life is all SCREWED up?
And yeah, its GOD's birthday. Long live the Lizard King. Why oh why, did you have to die so young???

My First Post Without An Appropriate Title

2005-12-07T21:40:00.000-08:00

Guess, what I found while channel surfing at 12.15 in the night.
A cookery show on E-TV Bangla.
Yes! Yes! A cookery show at 12 in the night.
Maybe, they took the term 'Midnight Masala' quite literally.

Bad, Badder, Baddest Joke

2005-12-07T04:48:00.000-08:00

Qn: Four people met up and started playing something. What?
Ans: Four-play, obviously.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Of Brutes & Cowards

2005-12-07T04:07:00.000-08:00

Read the following news item: Woman Raped In Train
Makes me think, 1% of the nation comprises of brutes, the rest 99% are cowards.
If you ask me, castrate those motherfuckers and hang their balls for public display.

Childhood Memories - Part I

2005-12-05T05:06:00.000-08:00

I have been hooked to jingles since I was like...this high.

As far back as my grey cells allow me, the first ever jingle I memorised was,

Bol Sakhi Bol Tera Raaz Kya Hai?
Kya Hai Tere Khushi Ka Raaz
Tu Bata De Mujhko Aaj

Mala-D Hai Mera Raaz
Garbh Nirodhak Goliyan, Mala-D Mala-D

See. I was too young to know what Garbh is, leave alone Garbh Nirodhak Goliyan. Just to quote Bhuvan Bhaiyya - "Itni Hindi To Meri Tau Na Jaane". I remember singing / mouthing the first couple of lines in front of some guests. Quite obviously, my parents were embarassed and the next thing I saw, was them (guests included) with raised heckles controlling their chuckles. (Sorry, bad expression.)

Anywhichways, the smart kid that I was (I still am, leaving aside the kid part of it), I quickly realised that the jingle was quite inappropriate for the occasion and promptly subjected my vocal chords to "Meri Jaan, Meri Jaan. Sunday to Sunday."

Much later, when I grew a bit taller (in height and in stature) and a bit more worldly wise thanks to generous inputs from my Big B, it was only then that I realised the full scale of my childhood folly.

I Hate

2005-12-01T22:33:00.000-08:00

I hate passive smoking. So much so, that active feels better.

Wisecracks Ain't Always Wise

2005-11-30T23:47:00.000-08:00

Way back in 1998 (I think), was out on a date watching some atrocious Hindi movie. Early into the movie I had pronounced my verdict, both, on the movie as well as my female companion, coz she just wasn't the type to keep a conversation going. So I decided to catch up on the proverbial forty winks. Just as my dreams of what-could-have-been were reaching its climax (pun intended), I was rudely awakened.

She: Why are you sleeping?!
A question, which when put down on paper results in an Interrobang at the end of it. For the mentally challenged, asking something out of incredulity.

Me: So that I can boast, I slept with you.

A smart-ass kick-ass reply. Of all the one-liners that I come up with from time to time, this has been by far the best. I'm still proud of this spur-of-the-moment-without-batting-an-eyelid comment.

Needless to say, the humour was all lost and that was the last I heard from her. In fact, last heard, she was happily married and (I presume) SLEEPING with her husband. Talk of Irony....

Deny Till You Die

2005-11-29T00:11:00.000-08:00

Example 1:
Suppose you ask a friend, "How's your job going?" Pat comes the reply, "Arre Yaar. Aish chal rahi hai." Their eyes give you no reason to believe their words. Being the nice guy that you are, you obviously don't press the issue further. A couple of weeks later, you hear about him/her having quit coz, it wasn't satisfying enough.

Example 2:
There's a girl you are good friends with and who gives you a subtle hint about wanting to go out on a proper date with you. (Don't ask me what constitutes a proper date.) Now, if you don't get the hint, get ready to be bombarded with terms like Dumbo / Dodo / Dickhead. But, if you do and end up asking her out, she will invariably shoot back that long, blank how-could-you glance, as if quite surprised. Almost makes you feel, "Hello! I haven't asked you to sleep with me. Not Yet."

Qn - What links these two examples?
Ans - Some people live in an eternal mode of denial.

(PS: The above two incidents MAY or MAY NOT bear any resemblance to real life events in my life. They MIGHT be purely intentional and NOT AT ALL coincidental.)

Inane Lyrics

2005-11-28T01:35:00.000-08:00

Wanted to do a proper post on inane lyrics in Hindi songs. Unfortunately, that would have to wait till a future date. Coz, the first one that came to my mind left me utterly speechless.

Just sample the song 'Muqabla Muqabla' from the movie 'Humse Hai Muqabla':

Jurassic Park Mein Sundar Se Jode Jazz Music Gaaye Milke
Picasso Ki Painting Mera Picha Pakad Ke Texas Mein Nache Milke
Cowboy Dekhe Mujhe Playboy Chhede Mujhe
Sex Mere Tan Mein Hua Mix Mere Mann Mein Hua
Pop Music Jaisi Laila Strawberry Jaisi Aankhein
Love Story Ban Jaane De Kick Thodi Chad Jaane De
Hoton Pe Sabke Dil Ka Taraana

The above lyrics was purely out of memory. So, in the event of any mistakes, kindly pardon me. But, what could be a bigger mistake than actually writing this piece of trash? I mean, what substance abuse was the lyricist under the influence of, when he churned the above. P K Mishra Ne Zaroor Peeke Likha Hai.

And, if you haven't died of laughter, here is another gem. Its actually a Kannada song, that I'd heard when I had been to Mangalore a couple of years back. The lyrics are still fresh in my mind. Here is its English translation:

Waist, Waist, Waist, Waist, Waist, Waist, Waist, Rrrrreeeee.
Waists are a subject of major debate.
But, I am the Vishwamitra on the subject of Waists.
On the Waist lies a big danger.
Below the waist lies a BIGGER DANGER.

(Imp: The Rrrrreeeee at the end of the first line has to be sung in typical Ghaati fashion at the top of your lungs.)

I have absolutely no idea what danger was the lyricist alluding to. But, to borrow Holden Caulfield's now famous expression, the song sure 'killed' me.

For You

2005-11-27T23:06:00.000-08:00

YES. I DO.......

If only you would read this.

Stupidly Sania!!!

2005-11-25T02:04:00.000-08:00

My heart skipped a beat everytime you stepped onto the court. I smiled at your T-shirt messages. I cheered your 'every-shot-is-your-last-shot' forehand, though I knew it would come a cropper in longer rallies. I loved your devil-may-care attitude, your spunk, your chutzpah. I debated with friends when they claimed you do not have the talent to be a Top-25 player. I fought with people who passed snide remarks at tennis woman's attire. At times, I wanted to hold you in my arms forever. At times, I wished to protect you the way brothers would protect their kid sisters. In short, I loved you, I adored you.
And then you said this.

Why??? Sania, Why???

Wouldn't it have been much better, if you had just said, "I do not believe in pre-marital sex. I will not have sex before marriage." Where was the need to involve Allah and Islam in what is essentially a matter of personal belief and choice? You invoked your Muslim lineage and your Indian ethos as a line of defence against media sensationalism. SHAME ON YOU.

Words. They fail me in expressing my outrage at your stupid statement.

Saluting Manju

2005-11-23T23:42:00.000-08:00

Wished to write this piece a couple of days back, as my reaction to this post by Gaurav.

I hope by now you all must have read newspaper reports about the IIM-L passout S Manjunathan, the IOC sales officer who was killed over a petrol adulteration row. Check the front page of today's (24/11/2005) Indian Express.

I hope his death makes a difference. A positive one, at that. I hope his death serves us all as a beacon of light in the cave of corruption and morass of moral decrepitude, that has become a way of life. And, I hope it changes our pee-in-the-pants-and-take-the-easier-way-out-at-the-first-sign-of-danger attitude that is prevalent all around us.

Saluting You, Manjunathan, the Rarest of Rare.
Rest In Peace.

Air India Sucks

2005-11-21T21:17:00.000-08:00

Had been to Delhi over the weekend along with a friend of mine. This is what resulted on our way back home.

We planned to book our tickets on the 10pm flight on Sunday. Coz, that's the cheapest one available. Just Rs.2.5k as against all other airlines including the so-called low-cost airlines, which charges Rs. 5k upwards. We reached the Delhi International Airport at around 12 noon on Sunday. We had planned to book our tickets and then spend the rest of the day roaming around Delhi checking out places, etc.

The first aspect that surprised us was that there were 5 employees at the Air-india counter, of which only one seemed to be working, or atleast pretending to be working. The rest were idling away their time, with a couple of them watching some clips on their cell-phones. Maybe, it was their free-time. So what they do in their free-time is not my concern. The computer on which the tickets were being booked was atleast 6-8 feet away from the counter. Every time, the person had to shout to ask our details and we had to duly oblige him, again shouting. Till an enterprising staff member stood in between and started acting as the mediator for the entire process. The person booked us on the 10 pm flight, gave us a PNR no. and asked us to come 2 hrs prior to the flight to collect our tickets. Having travelled very little by air, we had no clue what the funda behind PNR no. is. But, on being asked "8 baje ticket mil jayega na", he coolly replied, "Haan Haan. Aap 8 baje aa jaaiye. Aapko ticket mil jaayega."

We duly reached at around 8:10 pm and found around 8-10 people in the queue. There was nobody at the counter. We thought, maybe he has gone to take a leak. On asking others we found that the counter was empty since 7 pm. Surely, a leak does not take an hour. We learnt from a fellow passenger that even he had a PNR no. for the 7 pm flight. This person had reached at around 5 pm and he was informed at around 6.45 that the flight was full and that he would have to wait for the 10 pm flight. A few people went to the airport manager to inform him about the situation, who obviously washed his hands off the situation and instead gave the phone no. of some Air-India official. No reply from the other end, even after continuously trying his no. for around 10 minutes. The person finally appeared at around 9 pm and asked us to write down our names on a sheet of paper. I told him that we had a PNR no. and he just brushed it aside, citing that fresh bookings would be done. We were naturally pissed. After another 20-30 minutes (9.40 pm), he started the booking process. He booked 4 people (I and my friend were the unlucky no. 5 and no. 6 on the list), and then said, there are no more seats available.

Worse was to follow. The 4 persons who had their tickets booked, entered the airport. We were still waiting in the hope that divine intervention would somehow conspire in our favour. At around 10.15 pm, three of those four persons were seen entering the counter and having an argument. It turned out that there was just 1 seat available and the counter official had erred in booking 4 of them. They all were quite obviously angry, but could not do anything. And that poor guy who had a PNR no. on the 7 pm flight was again left stranded. We had to go all the way to domestic airport and book the Jet Airways flight scheduled for 9.40 am the next day.

Firstly, the official in the morning did not tell us that PNR nos. are useless. In fact, he assured us that we would be getting tickets two hours prior to the flight. This was utterly stupid and callous on his part. On his assurance, we did not care to inquire about other flights scheduled for Bombay in the evening or night. Now, imagine if some person had to urgently reach Bombay and if he had been in our position. In fact, I and my friend had to reach our workplace on Monday. I guess, that is urgent enough. Why go through the entire charade of so-called booking tickets in the morning and asking people to turn up prior to the flight and then subjecting them to such shoddy service.

Secondly, in this age of computerisation, how can you book four tickets when there is just one seat available. Is Air-India living in the Jurassic Age?

Thirdly, how can an airlines booking counter be empty for more than 2 hours. Much better service is delivered by Indian Railways, or for that matter even at State Transport bus-stands.

Being a person, who has quite recently entered corporate life, I sure would be doing a lot more air-travel in future. But, I have vowed never ever to fly Air-India. Is this the airlines that was founded by the great JRD Tata?

PS: The screens showed three Air-India flights for Bombay. The timings were 10 pm, 10.15 pm and 10.35 pm. We asked whether there are any seats available on the other flights. The official replied, "There is only one flight. And that is at 10 pm." When we told him about what the screens were showing, he coolly replied, "Actually, the 10 pm flight normally gets a bit delayed. So, we also show 10.15 and 10.35 on the screens." WHAT THE FUCK!!!

Parental Abuse

2005-11-18T12:33:00.000-08:00

The following news filled me with the utmost grief -
They burnt me with cigarettes

To think that such discrimination continues in India is truly deplorable. And what's more, in Bombay, one of the very few truly cosmopolitan cities in the country.

The cigarette burn marks will sure heal. But, what about her mental scars???

Kapde Utaar

2005-11-17T13:25:00.000-08:00

One can tell a lot about someone's personality, from the manner in which he/she takes off his/her partner's clothes. I mean, if one just hurries through the entire process as if its a mere formality, he/she can be dubbed a 'hawrya'. For the Bombay-lingo challenged, the word would be 'Despo' (though not the exact translation). Whereas, if you initially focus on the earrings, watch, etc, etc. you are the slow romantic mover-and-shaker (pun intended).

But, one of my friends sent this forward that claims to reveal your personality traits according to the way you undress yourself. Read on:

1. If you throw your clothes all over the place, you're a friendly, life-of-the-party type. You are free with your thoughts and opinions, not caring much about what others think of you. Your parents might think your room looks like a cyclone's hit it? But it actually represents your happy, individualistic nature! Stay that way!

2. If you remove each piece of clothing and put it away carefully, you are a serious person who likes life to be very calm. You are comfortable with routine work. And you believe that the best way to deal with life's problems is to prevent them in the first place. You are a perfectionist. By nature you are quite shy. You're dependable and sometimes intense. You think carefully before making decisions. You go about your tasks methodically, with concentration.

3. If you take off the shirt, and ten minutes later get around to the pants, you are an extremely self-confident person. You are naturally bright and intellectual. You are also a deep thinker who loves to ask questions and ponder over the meaning of things. You hate being rushed and you do not like to be hassled. Usually you like a lot of free time for yourself.

4. If you get out of your clothes as quickly as possible, you are concerned about others and what they expect from you, but you're worried about your own needs. You are family-oriented, and stay extremely busy. You often feel stressed, but most of those heavy expectations come from your own head! Give yourself a break, you don't have to be perfect!

5. If you take off your rings, earrings, necklace, watch, etc before anything else, you are a warm and sensitive person. You are considerate and thoughtful, and you give good advice to your friends. You are a natural born romantic. Helping friends or anybody for that matter is your second nature. You hate liars and you would love the world to become a better place.

6. If you don't have an undressing routine and you never do it the same way twice, you are a very curious and interesting person. You enjoy a broad range of activities. You take risks and enjoy fun and adventure. The word monotony cannot dampen your spirits at any cost, as you live life kingsize. Having fun is as much a part of your routine as slogging it out at office.

Though I generally find such 'what kind of a person are you' type test utterly hopeless and misleading, this is one I completely agree with. Now, if you are curious as to what category I fall in, Na Na Na Na Na Re Na Re Na Re.........(Chorus)...........

The next time you meet someone and you want to know what sort of a person he/she is, just utter the magic words, "Kapde Utaar".

Brief Sabbatical

2005-11-15T19:25:00.000-08:00

Its been more than a week since I have posted anything on my blog. And no, I shall not offer any lame excuses like been to the US or got married or tigers chased me out of concrete jungles or aliens beamed me up their UFO's, etc, etc. PLAIN LAZY, I have to admit.

Alright, let me see, what have I been upto? Watched "Doctor Zhivago", "Scent of a Woman", "Bawandar" and "The Sound Of Music" and read "The Moon & Six Pence", "Right Ho, Jeeves" and am currently in the midst of "An Equal Music". Hmmm, not bad.

Had a great quiz-night on Saturday. Basically, five of us quizzers met at my place and quizzed for around 3-4 hrs with liberal helpings of meat (non-human variety) and Romanov to keep us company. Nothing beats hard-core quizzing while being inebriated.

Oh, yes. Certain new developments have indeed taken place. So, all in all, things are looking up. Quite literally.

The only regret being missing the Bombay Bloggers Meet on Sunday. SHIT!!!

Capitol Zindabad!!!

2005-11-07T17:40:00.000-08:00

Latest Bollywood blockbuster playing at Capitol.

BF
*ing Meghna Naidu and debutant Aditya Om

The movie has a first to its credit or so claims Director/Actor Aditya Om, "I think this is going to be the first film in which not two, but three people will be seen together in bed."

Yummy, Meghna (or should it be, Yummy Meghna) surely has her hands full. If this doesn't make you watch the movie, what will. I have already placed a request with my neighbourhood VCD-wallah.

If you are yearning for a much heartier laugh, here goes a quote by Meghna, "I am a complete professional. I don’t feel shy taking off my clothes in front of 20 or 30 unit members."

Way to go, Girl...

PS: BF stands for 'Bad Friend' and not Blue Film.

Multiple B-Grade Roles

2005-11-03T18:35:00.000-08:00

Qn - What is the record for multiple roles in an Indian movie?

I am sure you all would say, its Sanjeev Kumar in the movie 'Naya Din Nayi Raat' with 9 roles.

Well, it still holds true. Except for the fact that he shares this record with a Bhojpuri actor named Ravi Kishan. Ravi, who is supposed to be a household name in Bhojpuri-speaking belt essayed the remarkable feat of 9 roles, in a cinematic extravaganza, that goes by the name of 'Raja Bhai Lagey Raho'.

Now, you all must be wondering where and how and why on earth did I get this info from. Well actually, I have always been fascinated by the B-grade movies screened at Capitol cinema, just opposite VT station. Not that I have been to any of these. For the past one week, there has been this 'Raja Bhai Lagey Raho' poster that screamed back at me every morning. Did a bit of Google Search on the movie and that's how I got this info. Will someday include it in a quiz, just to drive participants mad.
Quizmaster's Ultimate Revenge!!!

Diwali Resolutions

2005-10-31T22:48:00.000-08:00

Since I have never stayed true to any of my Christian New Year resolutions, here am I, trying my hand at a few Diwali resolutions, that I hope to live up to.

1. Learn to read and write Kannada.
OK, if not read and write, then atleast speak proper Kannada to replace the monosyllabic 'Haudu' / 'Illa' responses that I manage to mouth with great difficulty. To stop the rumour-mills from working overtime, let me emphasise that yours truly is neither dating any Kannadiga chick, nor does he foresee any in the immediate future. In fact, contrary to my otherwise nonchalant attitude towards all things from 'down south', I have suddenly developed a great sense of love and affection for my mother-tongue.

2. Learn how to ride a Bike.
But for that one needs to learn the art of balancing. Which means I will first have to learn how to ride a bicycle. Yes, my dear readers. Its confession time and dirty skeletons are tumbling out of my cupboard. I have never rode a bicycle. My friends have chickened out from teaching me biking, what with unintended 'Dhoom Macha Le' stunts that I manage to perform every time I grip the wheels (or is it, the handle). Anywhichways, are there any takers for midnight lessons on bicycle-riding, so that I am free from all media glare (read, to save myself the blushes of being a laughing-stock)

3. Attend fewer marriages.
Just to guard against the barrage of 'Tera Number Kab Aayega' queries from over-enthusiastic relatives, whom I can hardly identify. It seems everyone is hell-bent on me attaining marital bliss, except poor moi. Since I obviously cannot contend them with the argument that marriage is altogether unnecesary to experience certain highs-and-lows (pun intended), I have decided to take the cowardly way out.

WISHING YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY DIWALI!!!

Of Names and Roll Nos.

2005-10-29T12:35:00.000-07:00

Back in school days, everytime our teacher took roll-calls, it irked me. Coz, 50 human beings were reduced to mere numbers. Roll no. 1 and up went Renu Agarwal, Roll no. 2 and it was Deepa Amin's turn.....so on and so forth.

One fine day, it all changed.

Teacher: Roll no. 35
No response.
Teacher: Roll No. 35
Again, no response. We all were a bit surprised, coz., roll no. 35 was indeed present and attentive to the proceedings.
Teacher: (Angrily) Roll no. 35...Samir Parathe
Samir: Yes, Ma'am.
Teacher: Are you deaf?
Samir: No, Ma'am
Teacher: (Rhetorically) Then, why didn't you respond?
Samir: Because I'm not Roll No. 35. I am Samir Parathe.

Chup...Lambi Khamoshi...

A couple of us stood up and applauded.
Quod Erat Demonstrandum.

Roll-calls turned to name-calls.

Strange Mindset

2005-10-27T22:55:00.000-07:00

Case 1: Heard about this guy anxiously waiting to get married. Seems he is not too sure whether he wants a working-wife or a comely, homely type 'jo ghar par khaana pakaye aur raat ko mere aane tak ek daana moonh mein na daale'.
His concern - It should not lead to complications in his married life. WOW!!!
My first reaction was, "What the IIPM?" I mean, how can an intelligent and well-educated person have a mindset straight out of Stone Age.

Case 2: There was this girl in my batch, who I distinctly remember mouthing volumes on working-women during our induction. She could have gone places. In a way, she did. That is, she 'settled' in the US and is playing the role of a home-maker (a term I detest) to hubby dearest. What a waste of talent!

I ain't no bra-burner. Coz, I'm a man with no interest in trivial pursuits like the pyrotechnics of female undergarments. But, I do get mad at the gender-based oddities prevalent in the society.

Jackwa aur Jillwa

2005-10-26T10:38:00.000-07:00

Received this as a forward from a friend of mine. Whoever composed this, has to be a genius.

Jackwa aur Jillwa
Gaye upar Hillwa
Paani bhari ke waaste...

Jackwa gir gawa
Uka khopdiya phoot gawa
Aur Jillwa awat ludkan pooore raaste...

My MICA Carnival

2005-10-25T23:26:00.000-07:00

Had been to MICA, Ahmedabad with Hansraj for their Annual Fest Micanvas. Here is the long and short of the entire trip.

Quite an inauspicious start to our journey, as we were duped to the tune of a couple of hundred bucks by a conniving bastard, who promised us a reserved seat in the train. Something in me urged not to trust him, but the gullible side came to the fore and was duly duped. Will kick his butt, if I ever see him again.

With an RAC ticket in place, I and Hansie had to share a seat and slept in position 69. Fortunately, sideways. Woke up in the morning only to cuss each other for not getting toothpaste. Finally reached Ahmedabad station at 7 in the morning, smell-shocked but alive.

After some more haggling with Gujju rickshaw drivers, we reached this place called Bopal and checked in at Vijay Guest House. Quite a seedy place with walls adorned with paintings of amorous couples in not-so-uncompromising postures and the like. But, who cares. As if it was my honeymoon.

Lying on the bed...watching the ceiling fan and my failed attempt to count its rpm...the bloody lizard that refused to budge from its spot on the bathroom wall...listening to patriotic songs blaring from a loudspeaker nearby... reminded me of a certain Agastya 'Hazaar-Fucked' Sen.

Met my juniors Prasanna and Pallavi on reaching MICA in the afternoon. They were the only two from JBIMS and since most of the events required 4 members, they made me sit through the elims of a couple of strategy games. Had fun exercising my logical skills and all that MBA nonsense.

Quizzing time:
First up was the Biz Quiz hosted by Samanth. The elims was quite standard fare, but atleast all the teams got the same easy questions. Qualified for the finals and finished last. Mitesh Agarwal + Partner won by a narrow margin of 5 points over the IIM-A team. Have to admit, I was utterly disappointed with what was dished out. Stuff that was vaguely business...huge variation in the level of questions...very few good qns...but above all, a few were picked right from quizzes that had appeared recently on various quizzing groups. Coming from a QM like Samanth, it was all the more disappointing. Guess, I have to seriously contemplate hosting biz quizzes from now on. Any takers...

Got the news that we had qualified for the finals of both the strategy events, one of which was held at an obscenely late hour and hence, duly slept right through the finals.

The next morning was spent checking out of our dinghy guest house and moving in at the MICA hostel. Again the bugger juniors made me sit through the elims of some word-cum-number game. Being fascinated with word games right since I was 11 or 12 and in recent times with Sudoku, I obliged. Cracked the Sudoku within no time and shifted my focus on to crossword. Did a good job overall and got through to the finals.

General Quiz:
Hosted by Mastermind India J. Ramanand, this was much better than the Biz Quiz. Missed a few sitters and made a couple of wrong guesses. Quite obviously, did not make it to the finals, which was graced by the presence of some ace quizzers including Amit Verma, Samanth, Gaurav Sabnis, J Krishnamurti and Shamanth. The finals was hardcore quizzing at its best. Hardly knew 25% of the answers and had a tough time writing down fundas (unknown to me) on a piece of paper. Samanth+partner stood 1st defeating the Kunal and Abhishek pair from Pune.

And then, the cruel hand of destiny reared its ugly middle finger and I missed the elims of the Solo quiz hosted by J Krishnamurti. To make life more miserable, missed the finals as well. I'm still kicking myself.

But, yeah...I did what I had never done before. Attended the Parikrama Rock show without boozing. Main apne aap ko aaine mein kaise dekh paaonga??? Parikrama wasn't too great, especially because they refused to play a single Metallica song, even after repeated urgings. The most hilarious part was watching a few people head-bang to Joe Satriani. I mean, OK, he is a guitar legend, but head-banging... If Satriani comes to know, he might just bang his head against the wall.

Could not attend the finals of word game and one of the strategy games, since our train was scheduled for Sunday afternoon. Unfortunately, on our way back to Bombay, there were these three 45+ men seated near us. Weary though I was, could not help catching snippets of their conversation. Here is the gist or should I say conclusions that they themselves had drawn -
1. The recent Pakistan earthquake was an act of divine intervention
2. Why are cricketers provided fully-paid expensive treatment? Example cited was Nari Contractor.
3. Sharad Pawar and his lobby... did not follow much, since I have very little understanding of sugar-belt politics
4. Cussing everything about the current generation and repeated parroting of 'During our times...'
I mean, with arguments like these, what are the chances of them being crowned World Debating Champion. Minuscule, ain't it?
The only point I agreed with was their blasting off the Saas-Bahu serials (all-time punching bag).

Sutta and cutting chai at 2 o'clock in the night in what is called 'Chhota' Canteen...spending hours with people I had never met before and speaking with them about arbit stuff...watching Pallavi and Prasanna have a go at each other at the slightest pretext...listening to Hansie about his renewed interest in joining a residential b-school... all these brought back memories of my trip to IIM-Ahmedabad for Confluence 2004.

I did end up a bit poorer in monetary terms. But, made some new friends, met a few old acquaintances from my BMS days, competed against the very best in quizzing, etc, etc. In that sense, I am a lot richer...

PS: Hats Off to MICA students for their excellent handling of the fest and for the generous hospitality. Clap! Clap! Clap!

Time - 100 Books List

2005-10-25T11:22:00.000-07:00

So little time and so much to read.
This is what I have been thinking, right since I came across the list of Time Mag Top-100 English Novels after 1923.
Have read just 12 of these. Goes to show how literarily poor I am. Hope to increase it to atleast 20 in the next three-four months.

2005-10-18T13:25:00.000-07:00

A couple of random thoughts just crossed my mind:
If I visit a sweet-shop in Bihar, and asked for the price of Rabdi, will I be jailed???
If Ken Kesey were a Hindi writer, would his book title read - Ek Uda Koyal Ke Ghosle Ke Oopar Se...

Money...Evil...Huh!!!

2005-10-17T18:40:00.000-07:00

When I hear people claiming, "all the evils of this world can be traced to money", it makes my blood boil. In my opinion, it's a sacrilege to even utter such words. Its a negation of all that the human race has achieved over time. Its not Money, but the human who indulges in its brazen, vulgar display, who is evil. Its not Money, but the ones who shun its worth, who are evil.

All those who disagree, do read the speech by Francisco d'Anconia from "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand. Go to the website: http://www.atlasshrugged.tv/speech.htm

Reponse to 'IIPM Students'

2005-10-16T21:30:00.000-07:00

Over the past three days, I have gone through a whole lot of blogs that have written about the IIPM expose. I shall not be adding anything to the stuff that people have managed to unearth about IIPM, Arindam and Malay.

Here is the long and short of it:

Dilip D'Souza has managed to unearth a certain fine print in IIPM ads that talks of
"inferiority complex and intellectually dwarfed unquestioning attitude that the industry and the media have developed towards the IIMs over the years."

Arzan and Gawker have some great stuff on IIPM's international alliances. It seems all of them have lookalike websites.

Thalassa Mikra has managed to dig up some great stuff about Malay. It seems Berlin School of Economics, from where Malay did his Ph.D. in he year 1963, was actually founded in 1971. Maybe, he is a doctorate in spin-doctoring.

This post is essentially my response to all those so-called IIPM students who have left comments (at times, distasteful) on other's blogs and made a public display of their ignorance, and more often than not, making an utter ass of themselves.

1. Bloggers have been classified as losers, a bunch of jobless, senseless, pathetic, ridiculous bloaks.
2. We have been asked to stop blogging and start working.
3. All the bloggers have been assumed to be IIM pass-outs.
4. They have questioned JAM Mag's right to question IIPM's credibility. In fact, some have gone to the extent of saying, "If IIPM students do not mind it, why do bloggers?"

In between all this, some have 'thrown light' on the jealous attitude of IIM towards IIPM and some have labelled the entire issue as 'Bloggers Freedom of Speech'.

Let me clarify the last point, first. This is not about 'Bloggers Freedom of Speech'. This is about Freedom of Speech. PERIOD!!! Bloggers are just incidental or facilitators in this controversy. True, this might actually have far-reaching consequences on cyber-laws in India, if and when. But, we all are opinionated individuals. We have a right to have our opinions and express them. We are not living in an Orwellian world with Thought Police controlling our minds. If we cannot agree, we can certainly agree to disagree. But you, not seconding my opinion, will not change mine.

I am not an IIM grad. I am from one of those non IIM-A/B/C/L top-10 institutes in India. We always looked up at IIM's and said, "Hey, this is where our insti should be." We never made lofty claims at being better than them. Because, we always knew, they were a touch ahead of us. No, I am not an IIM-crony. But, let's face facts. Any and every non-IIM guy would want to be in one. So, any claims of "IIM is jealous of IIPM" is not just deplorable but utterly laughable. In fact, why even have the punchline "Dare to dream beyond the IIM's"? The word 'Dare' itself carries negative connotations. Read, Risk. Try and run your insti as best as you can, and with sincere efforts, who knows, you might become the best. Who knows, there might arise a scenario in the future, where aspiring students would not even have to 'Dare' to dream their way into IIPM. If your insti is really good, the dreams would come naturally.

Also, all the name-calling and abuses by these 'IIPM students' are nothing but, the handiwork of a deranged mind. In this case, many deranged minds. How does Rashmi being a lesbian or bloggers being losers absolve IIPM of its guilt? And, aren't you causing more harm to IIPM's fast-dwindling-whatever-is-remaining reputation by stooping to such pathetic levels? Maybe, we all are wrong. But, you calling us 'truck load of clowns', does not solve the matter. And, I thought, one is taught problem-solving in a managemnt course. Maybe, Arindam has taken the concept of Brainstorming to its next level, Blamestorming.

Various bloggers have asked pointed and pertinent questions regarding the credibility of IIPM and Arindam and Malay. There have been no clarifications. Judicially notarized e-mails are NOT clarifications. If you think, IIPM does not see the need to reply to allegations by 'a million losers', do not question our right to seek answers. We have as much right to ask questions, as you do, not to answer them.

Also, the logic of "If IIPM students do not mind, why do bloggers" is essentially a flawed one. Frankly, in my opinion, if you people do not care, I do not care as well. That is, for you people. But, what I do care for, are the future generations of prospective students. In my opinion, IIPM has indulged in prostitutising education. It is a business venture, built on the pillars of lies and deceipt. Its nothing short of a miracle, that it has managed to stay afloat all these years. Maybe, its because, people were less information-savvy than what they are today. There is so much of information at our disposal, that the possibility of such con-jobs going unnoticed is very minimal. As its said, 'Internet is the Mother of all Lie-busters'.
If even a single person walks upto me and says, "Thanks. If I hadn't known about the IIPM farce, I would have joined it.", my work would be done.

IIPM has existed way beyond its Life Expectancy. Here's wishing it a slow, painful death.

Lingers on your Finger

2005-10-14T12:54:00.000-07:00

Know what I feel is the most irritating aspect of smoking. The obnoxious smell at the tip of your fingers, post-fag. Almost compels me to quit everytime. Well, ALMOST. Guess, I'll have to cut off my finger-tips. Sorry, bad one.

The Great Arindam Circus!!!

2005-10-12T21:40:00.000-07:00

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
- Ayn Rand

I started blogging a couple of weeks back, because I thought its a private space where I can word my thoughts, air my views and vent my rants, and in the process, meet a few people who share my beliefs. Where nobody could steal the I from Me.

Sadly, IIPM doesn't think so. Ask Gaurav, Ask Rashmi, Ask Varna...

IIPM, an institute whose sole mark of presence in the Indian B-School sphere is its full-page ads in leading newspapers, urging you to 'Dare To Think Beyond'. But, whose vision extends right upto the length of a ponytail.
IIPM, an institute whose academic worth is as suspect as the credentials of Arindam and Malay.
IIPM, an institute that boasts of - faculty drawn from Harvard and Yale; Wi-Fi Campus; joint research with Stanford Univ; corporate recruiters like Coke, AT Kearney and McKinsey; research centre in Toronto.......the list of their 'achievements' is endless.

If all these claims were indeed true, why aren't potential B-school aspirants salivating at the prospect of being admitted into such an esteemed institution? Why aren't the best of the brains from across the student community falling over each other to gain entry into the hallowed precincts of IIPM?

The answer is simple - IIPM fabricates truth. It manufactures facts. It concocts truth-potions that are served down the throats of students. Repeated servings have helped them create a make-believe world of their own.

Challenge them and they indulge in antics (Threats and Slander) that were till now the reserve of politicians and big businesses. Over the years, its sole defence strategy has been to parrot the cliched "IIMs are jealous of us" line.

Could it not have armed itself with proof and thus substantiated its version of the story? Where was the need to send e-mails to Gaurav and Varna and issue so-called 'first notice of legal summons'? How could senile/insane/sadist individuals like OracleCoder fall prey to the demon within and indulge in language suited for street-side brawls?

In the entire fiasco, a severe condemnation should be reserved for IBM. How could an organisation that feeds on 'Think' theme, let go of Gaurav? If only it had said, "To hell with IIPM. We are with you. In fact, we will stand in front of you." IIPM and its entire battery of Goebbels-resembling propaganda experts would have been peeing in their pants.

But, we shall fight. For TRUTH and for JUSTICE....

So, Bye, Bye. Mr. Arindam Bhai,
Shove your Ponytail, up your little ass so high.

PS: IIPM legal eagles, do not bother sending me a notarized e-mail. Just msg me the amount at 09821842410. Also add the SMS charge of Rs. 1.50

Gaurav vs. IIPM

2005-10-11T13:50:00.000-07:00

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high

I am sure you all must have encountered the full-page ads urging one to "Dare to Dream Beyond". With its claims of 100% placements and faculty drawn from the best b-schools around the world, one is indeed likely to fall for the bait.

JAM Mag scratched a little deeper and scratched hard. This is what they found.
Responding to the above article in a fashion that depicts their true character, IIPM officials barged into the JAM office and filed a legal notice.

Gaurav Sabnis, whose Vantage Point ranks among the most popular blogs in Indian cyberspace, posted the JAM article link on his blog and added a few of his comments here.

What followed was slander of the cheapest kind. The lewd comments by some of the 'IIPM-supporters' viz., OracleCoder and The Real Gaurav Sabnis have to be read to be believed. All those allegations of Rashmi Bansal's (JAM Editor) lesbian instincts and her hitting it off with young journos, will make you squirm. RAPE OF BLOGDOM DECENCY!!!

Overnight, various blogs sprang up in support of IIPM, lauding its 'achievements', its infrastructure, blah, blah, blah... Needless to say, all these fake-blogs carry just one post. And yes, one also read the supposed expose by Aaj Tak about JAM being paid by Amity to write against IIPM.

Then, IIPM decided to sue Gaurav for, guess how much... 125 crores. No doubt, he laughed till he fell off his chair. To borrow a friend's phrase, I was laughing till I was bouncing off the walls like an out-of-control Yo-Yo.
With statements like these, who wouldn't:
"We are also providing your details to respective national and regional police authorities for undertaking and implementing immediate arrest warrants against you."
"Refrain in the future from releasing any news item containing IIPM's reference without the prior explicit written approval of IIPM." (Thought Police, Anyone)

Finally, Gaurav quit his IBM job because of this.

I have met Gaurav only once in my life. And that too recently at a quiz that he hosted. My interaction with him was limited to enquiring about a common friend of ours. But if a blog is a reflection of one's personality, then I am indeed a poor person, not to have known him well.

But, this is not about friends and friendships. Its about principles, about ideals and about morals. Its about what we hope to stand for and be known as, but are rarely afforded the opportunity. But Gaurav has. Not just through his posts but also in real life, when taking the apologetic-practical way would have been so easy and enticing, especially when his job was involved.

The issue has already assumed epic proportions with Desi Pundit, Amit Varma, Kitabkhana and various other personal blogs intending to carry it forward to its logical conclusion. Justice!!!

PS: Check Amit Varma's blog and http://technorati.com/search/IIPM for further links.

In Defence of Gaurav

2005-10-10T22:55:00.000-07:00

Madness! Madness!

Ever heard about a person having to quit his job for believing in Freedom of Speech.
Gaurav Sabnis, among the most famous Indian bloggers, quit his IBM job.

Click on the following links for the entire story:
http://gauravsabnis.blogspot.com/2005/10/update.html
http://gauravsabnis.blogspot.com/2005/10/im-disconnecting-my-cable-connection.html
http://gauravsabnis.blogspot.com/2005/08/fraud-that-is-iipm.html

I fervently hope the entire Indian blogdom will be up in revolt against the arm-twisting tactics being employed by IIPM.

We are with you, Gaurav...

Quiz Round-Up

2005-10-09T10:07:00.000-07:00

Had been to a Gen+Biz quiz organised by Chetana Inst of Mgmt St at Y B Chavan Auditorium on the 7th. Went simply because the quiz was being hosted by Gaurav Sabnis.

Teamed up with my good ol' pal Hansraj and named ourselves as 'Crimemaster Gogo & Gunmaster G9'. Business qns were a lot easy and we got a lot of kick, cracking a few hardcore Gen qns. Topped the elims and were battling it out in the finals against Amit Varma + partner, Arvind + partner, Amit Pandeya + Kiran, IIFT duo and another team I cannot quite recollect, but are quite active in the Pune quizzing circuit.

We were in the hunt in the initial part, but soon Amit Varma's team just blazed through, finally winning by a handsome 35 point margin. Had a lot of fun throughout the finals and ended up joint 4th. I am kicking myself for the Michael Moore ans. If only I had given the entire funda. SHIT!!!

One advice to Gaurav: I understand that you are not a hardcore biz quizzer, but try and improve the biz content. And ensure that the qns are of almost the same difficulty level. There were quite a few sitters in between.

But, overall was a much better quiz than all the Basu and Derek and Pornob crap that Bombay quizzers have become accustomed to. Will be there for your next Bombay quiz, Gaurav...

Who's the 'Vern'?

2005-10-07T14:30:00.000-07:00

Was witness to a very queer incident.

While travelling by train to the office, seated opposite me were these typical college-going girls wearing T-shirt and jeans and talking in that false-American accent. The teenyboppers that are a ubiquitous feature in Bombay.

What happened is this:
Girl 1: Look at what he is reading?
Girl 2: (with a look of horror in her face) Must be a 'Vern'...

No! I wasn't reading any of those 'Sharmila ka Badan' and 'Julie ki Suhaag Raat' type of books that are sold for 5 bucks. In fact, they weren't even talking about me.
There was this guy (normal-looking college-going kid wearing a T-shirt and Jeans) seated next to me reading 'Chomana Dhudi'. For the uniformed, it is a Kannada novel written by Dr. Kota Shivaram Karanth (Padma Bhushan declinee and Jnanpith Winner), regarded as among the foremost Kannada writers of the 20th century.

I felt my blood boil. Not because they were degrading an author of my community, but for the sheer arrogance and ignorance being displayed under the garb of Modernism. I mean, these idiots, I am sure had no idea of who Shivram Karanth was... must have never heard about any of his novels... and yet, have the mindlessness to label his readers as 'Verns' (someone who has studied in a Vernacular medium)

I have seen this attitude in quite a lot of people. Speak in Marathi or Gujarati or Tamil or read books in languages other than English... perfect recipe for being labelled a 'Vern'.

The ironical part of it all - A couple of minutes later, one of the girls started reading... guess what... Sidney Sheldon. (Jeeta Jaagta proof of 'Thriving Mediocrity')

Quizzing Saga - I

2005-10-06T11:45:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to all the wonderful quizzing folks I have been fortunate to meet and interact with.

As my esteemed readers (not that there are many...OK, any!!!) would know, my childhood passion for reading whatever I could lay my hands on, including the half-a-page newspaper that my neighbourhood bakery-wallah used to wrap the 'pav' in. But you know how school teachers are. They would invariably end up sending the intelligent (read, Toppers) for the quizzes. And me being the average student with a penchant for cheap schoolboyish tricks would be sidelined and end up watching my batch-mates miss sitters. Once, I did put my foot down for a Mythology quiz leaving my teachers choking on their internal laughter mechanism. ("Mythology! You!!!") An in-house elims (this time I laughed) and there I was representing my school and competing against 400 odd teams. All those nights of reading Chandamama under the blanket finally bore fruit. We somehow managed a top-20 finish. If you think this was the start of my journey, blazing through quizzes with the audacity of Hannibal-meets-Hitler, you are mistaken. Strangely, my Alma Mater decided not to participate any more.

Life went on. But, quizzing... No chance. And then, BMS happened.

Portly Yogesh with creativity (and cough) frothing at his mouth
'Kadka' Jayakrishnan (JK) in whose presence I feel like a WWF wrestler
The perpetual-latecomer-cum-outlandish-excuse-cooker Shivkumar (SK)
Hansraj aka Hansie whom I debauched into vodka-with-sprite

With them, I lived some of the finest moments of my life.

The biggest advantage of undergraduation in Management was the initiation into business quizzing. There were quite a few good teams in the BMS circuit, with colleges like Sydenham, SIES, Jai Hind, HR and of course MCC, fighting it out in almost all the quizzes. I was there everywhere and participated in the entire spectrum of quizzes, from the shadiest ones to those organised by MMS students. (At times, even those sucked)

The shady ones were usually of the following types -
a) Where the organisers would insist (with a capital I) on a 2-member team, coz., "sitting alone gives you an unfair advantage." By far, the funniest comment I have ever heard.
b) Questions filched from Brand Equity quiz book with all the spelling errors intact.
Ex) Which brand gets its name from the Greek word for 'Day'? Ans - Xerox
c) Where the prizes ranged from 10K to 50K......worth of coupons from computer coaching classes. At one point of time I had around 2 lakhs worth of it. Yippee...I am a lakhpati. And oh yes, how can I forget the ultimate one... Bhaiyon Aur Behenon, Dil Thaam Ke Baithiye... bate your breath (if there is such an expression)... Mobile Phone..... Covers... (KLPD of the Highest Order)
d) "We cannot announce the answers to the elims nor give you an extra elims sheet. Its a policy decision." Duh! As if I asked for an as-yet-unreleased white paper on India's nuclear policy.

A few stood out - Mood I at IIT-B, Malhar at Xaviers, Melange at K J Somaiya, Sharpshooters at SIES, etc. I had great admiration for a quiz organised by a certain MMS college and regarded it as among the best that there was. (Later I realised that quite a few questions used to be dhaap-ed. But, that's a different issue.) I along with my partners-in-quizzing-crime were desperate to participate and we asked one of our profs (who also taught at the afore-unmentioned college) about it. He replied, "There should be a minimum qualification to participate in the quiz. We do not allow BMS students because you people are not good enough." It hurt. It damn well hurt. So we decided to sit in the audience and have our revenge. Watching our propensity to answer (correctly, that is) almost every passed question, the host Nikhil Chinappa turned towards us and remarked, "You guys should have been up here." We shot back, "Ask the organisers." The revenge was as sweet as chocolate-frosted-sugar-bombs. Actually, this incident also shaped my quizzing philosophy. (More about it in the third part of this trilogy)

This quizzing business also served as a valid excuse for bunking lectures. Picture this:
Me entering the lecture hall with 10 mins left.
Prof: (Angrily) Where have you been?
Me: (Cool and Calm) Sir, I'd been to so-and-so college for a quiz, Sir! (The 'Sir' at the end was to make it sound servile and had nothing to do with my South Indian lineage)
Prof: Quiz!!! Did you win anything or are you returning empty-handed? (with a "phir bhi khaali haath" Gabbar-like frown)
Me: Not much, sir. Just won 1000 Rs.
Prof: WOW!!! So, when are you treating us? (In a langotiya-yaar tone)

Soothed Nerves All Around...

But, more than bunking classes and winning quizzes, the best part of it all was the fellowship we developed over a period of 3 years.
Attempting our own brand of humour in a competely packed IInd class compartment...posing teasers written on the frayed last pages of moth-infested notebooks...cursing each other (the mother and sister variety) on missing sitters...the happy-yet-sad feeling for having made it through to the finals but seeing the other team miss out marginally or vice-versa...interact with like-minded quiz-crazy people from other colleges...a chance to rub shoulders against Quizzing Goliaths...etc... etc...
No memory hole can erase these.
No words can describe the been-there-done-that high.

I guess, a poignant way to end the first part of this trilogy.

Engr-MBA (Slurp! Slurp!)

2005-10-04T00:25:00.000-07:00

First things first. I am a half-engineer. I dropped out of engineering after two years for purely personal reasons, which have no bearing on my two cents of wisdom.

Interviewer: So, Mr. Dhananjay. Your undergraduation degree was in Management and now you are pursuing an MBA. Aren't you studying the same things twice? (Snide glances and loud guffaws from all the three panelists)
Dhananjay: Sir, do you prefer an engineer, who would end up wasting 4 years of his education, by joining your company???

The above incident occured during one of the interviews during my summer placements. As expected, I was not selected. Not that I care.

The point I am trying to drive at is this:
Some of the best brains from the student community slog for four years (glass-tracing included) and end up in a b-school, finally taking up jobs that have absolutely no relevance to their under-graduation degree. And, corporate recruiters go head-over-heels trying to woo them into their net.

Let's look at their top reasons (excuses):

Engineers have a certain higher level of aptitude - In a general sense, this is largely true. But, if you look at a batch of 60 or 120 students in a b-school, there is absolutely no difference between the aptitude levels of engineers and non-engineers. In my batch, I'm sure a few of us non-engineers would have beaten anyone black-and-blue in a pure aptitude test. If any of my batch-mate disagrees, challenge me.

Engineers bring technical expertise to the recruitment table - This is a valid reason, if it is a manufacturing-related company.

Engineers grasp things faster - Complete hogwash. If someone can conclusively prove this theory to me, I shall walk naked through the streets of Bombay.

Throughout my life, I have been a witness to a certain bias towards engineers from a wide section of individuals, including non-engineers. In Bombay, flash the VJTI or SPCE card and people kowtow, as if they are in the company of super-intelligent, supra-human studs.

In my opinion, the only aspect where an engineer scores over a BCom/BSc/BA... the 4 years spent in an engineering college instills a certain amount of discipline and work-ethic in an individual. I hope my non-engg readers do not raise their arms in self-defence at the above comment. But, honestly, let's give it to them. They slog a lot, lot more than what we guys do for our degree.

But the pertinent question is - what's the use???

Look at IITs. I have all the respect in the world for the high-level technical education that they impart. But, what is the probability of an IITian doing cutting-edge work in an R&D facility? Though, I do not have the statistics, it would be safe to assume the figure to be miniscule. (If anyone differs, please bear with me)

Apart from IITs and another 20-25 engg colleges from across the country, the lesser said about the quality of education being imparted in other institutes, the better. They are the modern-day assembly line mass manufacturers that Henry Ford would have been proud of. Plus, they are less than half as good (and I am being generous) as what Ford's final product was.

Another reality...which very few engineers would admit, once they are out of the 'factory' with a degree... Given a choice, they would have wanted to quit engg midway, but it was family pressure and society-mein-izzat that kept them in check. (Betaa, building waale kya bolenge? Rishtedar Kya Sochenge? Blah...Blah...)

How could I forget the famous law:
The amount of dowry demanded is directly proportional to the perceived value of the boy's degree.
And, an engineer weighs heaviest on the money scale.

I mean, is all this really worth it? Would it not have been better if someone genuinely interested in pursuing a career in engg, had gained admission? If one sits back and analyses our obsession with the engg phenomenon, these uncomfortable truths are so obvious. Still, umpteen corporate recruiters turn a blind eye in their mad scramble for an Engr MBA.

PS:
I feel the same contempt for others who waste their precious education.
For ex) Female MBAs who quit their job after marriage.

Over-Pai(d)nters

2005-10-01T12:05:00.000-07:00

I am sure the entire Indian art fraternity must be gung-ho about Tyeb Mehta and his 7-crore benchmark. I am not much into paintings and all that arty stuff, but I find the huge sums being paid a bit absurd. And I am pretty certain that a lot of the so-called aficionados of art have little or no understanding of it.

Here are a couple of instances:

1. In 1936, Phantasy by Spencer Nichols hung upside down for 18 days at an exhibit in New Jersey. To cover the blunder, the New Jersey Museum Association responded that since the work was an abstraction it didn't matter which way it hung. They stated that they could only tell the work was upside down because his signature was "in the wrong corner." However, as Nichols pointed out, the work was not an abstraction but a seascape, which may have become abstract when it was turned upside down.
2. The work, Le Bateau by Matisse, hung upside down for 47 days in the Museum of Modern Art exhibition The Last Works of Henri Matisse. It was uprighted after Genevieve Habert, a Wall Street stockbroker, noticed the mistake. At first she notified a museum guard, who responded, "You don't know what's up and you don't know what's down and neither do we." After trying to get someone to listen, Habert gave up and called the New York Times about the mistake. The next day, after the director of exhibitions, Monroe Wheeler, was notified, the work was rehung properly.

I am a functional human being in the Howard Roark mould and I do not believe in "Ars Gratia Artis". Maybe, that is why it makes me wonder:
Does Art sustain itself on the Greater Fool Theory?